HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....

The happiest part of this day is the fact that I gave life to 2 amazing human beings who mean more than life its self to me!!! Having grandchildren has only added to it!

Get between me and my kids/grand kids and you will see one very mad mother bear!

If anything, I would say that I raised my kids as both a mother and a father!

And YES....I will pat myself on the back for all of their GOOD traits and let you know that the BAD ones are HIS!

:)

Sadly, I cannot say Happy Mother's Day to my biological mother in person because she passed away when I was 10...;(

To say that I remember much about her...I don't! I do remember some things but not much...parents aren't that important to kids at that age, so they think.

Her passing was also a very tragic time for me, as I experienced her death through a dream and later experienced seeing her ghost through out our house. Having the dream and later seeing mom's ghost caused problems with me and my sister "Buttons"...she believed me and thought she saw her once too!

When the step mother appeared on the scene, she couldn't take my/our spooky tales and felt that I had convinced my sister that she was crazy too? Her solution was to send us both to see a psychiatrist! It took me two sessions to decide that that I hated him and wasn't going back! What I did learn from his sessions was to never tell anyone ever again about odd things that happened to me after my mom's death...buried it deep is what I did do!

The thoughts that I do remember about my mom are happily only good ones...:)

Sadly I don't feel much of a connection with her?

Our time together was a short 10 years and much of those years had to be shared with 5 other siblings! My baby years were interrupted with the arrival of my younger sister [18 mons between us], so my babyhood was even shorter.

This was also a woman who slaved for her household. I don't recall any of us ever doing house work! She even made her own soap because she had to, not because it was a hobby! We were also very poor, so she made a lot of our clothing! She had no time for kids. One statement I do remember was when I thought I was adopted [I thought I didn't look like anyone in the family...they all had brown eyes and I was the only one to have blue, etc.] was "with all you kids, do you think I want to adopt one"?

I guess birth control was expensive back then? Kind of glad about that, if you get what I mean...;)

The woman that did spend a lot of time in my life [52] and made some major changes, was my Dad's fourth wife. This made her my step mother!

The EVIL step-mother!

There were times that I compared my life with the tale of Cinderella!

The step mother also had a daughter whom my Dad later adopted after their marriage. Our earlier years together as sisters was fairly rocky in the beginning but later has improved with maturity.

The step mother was an experience that will never go away and did make me part of the hard worker that I am today!

This was also a hard woman that had to live a hard life herself and knew no better way to teach her life's lessons. She grew up with a father that molested her, a mother that didn't care, a lover that abandoned her with their unborn baby and between all of them they created a very hard person!

Looking back now, those were my growing up years and were very important that a strong hand be used. Sadly, the compassion that had been lacking in her up bring showed towards us kids!

Her daughter was a different story! She ended up the spoiled one! Something she wishes had been different if she had only been shown the same up bringing! Her life was the bad side as a teenager and lots of mistakes were made.

The time that I did enjoy with my step mother was during my 20's while I lived in Edmonchuk. We did some crazy things together and had some great laughs so it wasn't all bad. Those were the years that I was proud to call her mom!

I moved out of the province after my first child and haven't been back to the old home front since. Not because of her, mind you. That was my ex's doing.

The step mom and I remained reasonably close throughout her remaining years. Buttons [who also moved far away] and I always made a point to visit whenever we were able to, more so as her health faded. Many a time we would rush to her bedside with the urgings of our sister [her daughter] with the dire warnings of impending death, only to have her rally to health.

She passed a year & 2 months before Buttons did!

Our step mother's will devastated both her and I. Not that we were expecting anything [she had left us something before she died] but thought to be remembered by last words of love!

We weren't!

I have never seen the will as all was left to HER daughter! Including her last thoughts!

But we figured if there were words on it for us, she would have let us see the will. She didn't! I won't ask, as I feel there is something on it that none of us should see? She says that step mother wasn't in her "sane-of-mind" but then that would make the will null & void?

For that... I cannot, in my mind, give out the days wishes for her easily!

She got her wishes when she was a good step mother and she should be happy for that and sad that she ended her well wishes to us in the will...as it made both of us feel unloved! It devastated Buttons more than me!

Petty as that may sound... I feel mother's day wishing is an EARNED honor!

As for my biological mother...it was her duty to stay healthy and not leave her family to the hands of others! Something I am trying to do for MY kids!

BillyRoo has already called me [6:30am] and wished me a Happy Mother's Day on his way out the door to work. He never forgets and makes sure to at least call...that's my gift! His gift to me is to stay safe and healthy!

PoD's gift is given to me almost daily by all the things she has to do for me...is MUCHLY appreciated!

THANK YOU BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!

As for the man that was the father of my children...he didn't believe in thanking me for being the mother of his children.

I had to be content with "your not my mother so why do you expect a gift or wishes"?

Anyways....on with life

Yesterday was my first town-wide garage sale and was able to pick up a Mother's Day present for my daughter [for giving me grand kids...;)]...a ceramic 18" high Buddha to go with the pagoda that I bought [birthday last year] for her flower bed. I also gave her hanging pots for some vine types. Didn't find much for myself [tight budget] and was mostly a kids/baby-stuff sales. Did manage to get the son-in-law something for his collections that he will get on his birthday and something little for the grand kids.

Did get to enjoy it with an old friend that "Sales" with me yearly to that place...we continue our conversations like we had just left off from the last sales. It's so wonderful to have a friend that doesn't cling to me nor me to her...:)!

Am suffering a bit today from all the getting in/out of a truck and walking...the calf muscles are moooing from their lack of exercise. Seems all the walking helped only a LITTLE bit...;(

Must get in better shape!

The weather did not co-operate and it was a chilly 3 hrs but fun never-the-less!

Today seems to be continuing as the clouds this morning look like they are going to hang around.

Might snuggle under the covers and watch some movies...doing nothing sounds great.


ALL YOU MOTHERS out there...that deserve it


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!


AND that does include BOTH my moms cause they did do the best of their abilities no matter how much I wished it to have been better...cause I know there are many many worse ones that I could have been stuck with instead!

Another Darkside Zodiac...Taurus [Apr 21 -May 21]

Again, these are permitted excerpts from Stella Hyde's book, Darkside Zodiac. Which means, these aren't my words and no blame can be laid at my feet...

Taurus is a feminine sign, fixed Earth sign ruled by Venus. It is the second sign on the zodiac wheel, directly opposite Scorpio, and is named for the consyellation Taurus [the bull], which plods and bellows behind the Sun at this time of year.

On the Darkside, this makes you a stubborn, sybaritic, rut-bound bully, fueled by dull resentment and an insatiable love of money.

Annoying Habits:

Punctuality...You are never late; you have never been late; you will never be late. People in Switzerland can set their clocks by you, train companies call you for advice. Strangely, everyone else is always late meeting with you.

Toothpaste...The Taurus toothpaste tube always lives in a toothpaste tube cozy on the third shelf down and is always rolled up from the bottom. If anyone moves it-let alone squeezes it in the middle-you kill them.

Temper Gauge...0 to boiling in about six months, but on a regular five-year cycle. Much earth-shaking; small buildings fall down; you gore everyone within reach. Ten days later people armed with chocolate can approach you.

Personality...Obdurate, opinionated, overpowering

Bitch Rating...C+. Others think this is because you are naturally kind and charitable, but they are wrong; it's not that you don't want to bitch, you're just too slow-witted to really make an impact. When you do try, you make dull, painful remarks about other people's lack of fashion sense or money.

Fave Deadly Sin..."I'll have all them, now" is naturally your first thought, since the desire for some new stuff fogs your brain. When you finally understand you've got to choose, you go away to ruminate, and come back some days later with the obvious answer: Greed, with a substantial side dish of Gluttony [maybe served in a just of Lust]. You think having and holding until death do you part is sensible behavior, and nothing is ever going to change your mind. As for Gluttony, what's wrong with liking your fodder, especially if it comes at a prix fixe?

Blame your planet Venus, mighty Aphrodite!

Again...a lot of her predictions have to be calculated with the time of day one was born...etc.

Buy the book...you will be amazed on how well these little tidbits let's one know who they might be dealing with?


I, for one, have to agree with what I have read about the Taurus traits in this book. I have MANY that are close to me and must admit they have left BIG hoof prints on my life! The males especially!

I put off writing about his zodiac until now cause it played a big part in my life...making me a part of what I am today...

They say that marriage changes you...

I say it's your partner's traits that steers you that way...

It ticks off me to hear/read jokes about how women change after they get that ring on their finger...

My first marriage was to a Taurus...who ran herd boss over my life for 5 years...it felt like the ring was in my nose!

Reading about those traits brought back TONS of BAD MEMORIES! That thankfully ONLY lasted 5 years! But man, those 5 years were LONG!!! ;(

He took a somewhat shy, semi-naive girl and bullied her into something that was changing into the strong person that my [Aquarian] second husband help finish off!

I am resentfully for the lessons that it took to mold me the way that I am today but also grateful for them too! ?

My 2nd ex also has them drawn to him, thus I had them as close friends which later finding out that they were HIS friends and NOT mine! :)

Even lately the "love sites" send the Taurus men my way when I state not to...it must be the challenge that I emit to them?

Women are no problem, as friends, as they aren't interested in me that way...:) They actually make great friends!

Of my two exes, the Taurus one was the absolute worst! I still have residual nightmares with the things that he imposed on my life!

He was a scary stalker type and thankfully his feminine side came to my rescue when his darkside emerged. He did not know that a lot of his problem stemmed from the fact that he was gay and fought it! Thinking back on those times and adding up all the odd facts that occurred during it, made me come to the conclusion why he eventually ended up dead at the age of 30 or so. I never found out why or how he died, as I had severed all contact with him and his family after our divorce. I just know that he died! It was my step mother who informed me of his obit in the Edmonchuk newspaper, which never mentioned how he died? I often think his gayness was part of the reason why his dad committed suicide and left the odd note about it for him to find?

Summing up this guy would mean doubling those traits in strength and purpose! I disappeared [literally] from his life as my daughter happened during our divorce proceedings [those of you adding things up...no he is NOT her father as were separated for 2 yrs]and I didn't want him to know about her! Scary was too nice of a word for him!

He did provide me with a strong enough will to have a child on my own! Sadly, I let the next dangerous zodiac in my life...

It's bad enough having your own nasty traits but having a person just like you can be just as scary...but oddly nicely predictable?



Anyways...

As for my what's up with me...


As of yesterday, computer living was making my life hell! Damn thing was working in slow motion...like some people I know...

THANKFULLY I have computer-literate children that save my butt, time and time again!

This time it was PoD to the rescue!

BillyRoo [son] gives me crap when I don't do the updates when I'm supposed to and when I do, do them, I screw it up! ? ;(

PoD waved her magic wand, said a few choice [?]words and left me with it running in fix-it-mode...

I got the axe out and laid it on the key board with a few words of my own [really] and left it alone...to ponder it's fate

Spent the rest of the day clean house as I didn't have anything ready to put together sign wise.

Did fill the time with grad diamonds that didn't want to go together....left them in a pile!

Did have a painting committee job to do after work which meant someone was supposed to pick me up and didn't...wasted 2 hrs waiting? Was later called and apologized to, but was happy not having to do the painting work after all. Will be doing the second coat if she remembers today to pick me up...;)

So my Thursday turned out to be an annoying day which happily ended with the computer finally working properly!

Thank YOU PoD!!!

Woke this morning to fog at 4:30 am, right now [8:30] the sun is peeking out from the clouds...it's supposed to be sunny with intermittent rain?

Time to start the day...


Have a Happy day all you Taurus people....;)

Next zodiac will be Cancer [June 22 - July 22] my stepmother's sign as I already did Gemini's.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR....?

OR some kind of crap like that...

7 years ago I got rid of a very BIG pain in my life...the Ex [not completely cause of the kids] and thought my life was finished with the agony of all involved with love!

Nope!

You know those dating sites that lonely people join to find their "one true love"? I joined quite a few after my release to freedom and then later dropped all of them, due to poor selections and the fact that I'm JUST NOT LOOKING!

Seems cancellation of one site never happened because I have been receiving many hits on that canceled site of late?

Here's my latest wannabe friend...

61 yr old/Married/Straight/Available

86% my match/70% my friend/35% my enemy

Montana, USA

My self summary...

I'm an older, wiser (well, I'm told I am anyway), educated, and open-minded guy. Dominant in my chosen lifestyle and prefer it that way. Enjoy meeting people online or in real-time, getting to know them, chatting, and seeing where it all goes. Not a prude and sexually adventurous, accepting, and sometimes demanding. I'm secure in who I am and welcome all genders, sexual preferences, etc...as long as you're able to be open, honest, and truthful. I adhere to non-traditional relationships; i.e. Polyamory, non-monogamy, open-relationships, bdsm, and swinging lifestyles. I'm NOT your run-of-the-mill guy. While I may seem simple on the surface, I tend to be VERY complex. I can be demanding and easy-going at the same time...and NO that is NOT a conflict of interests. I uphold very specific values and expect the same of my partner(s) or friends. The best way to know me is to take the chance and give in to your curiosity by contacting me and asking questions. I guarantee you will get a honest and direct answer...no matter the nature of the question.

I am Cerebral, Abnormal, and Wicked

What I am doing with my life...

I'm working towards retirement (aren't we all?) and enjoying my friends in the BDSM lifestyle. I enjoy sexual sharing and openness when things "click" between myself and others, which isn't that often. I'm very happily married to my slave, slut, wife and soul-mate. I stay busy at my job as a Computer Support Technician. I also run my own computer upgrade/repair business on the side. Busy? Oh yeah!!! However, I make time for my friends, lovers, and getting to know people. When I find the time, which is rare, I like to spend it making friends online from around the world by using various video chat programs. I also like to write when I find the inspiration and time. In fact, if I keep adding to this profile, I'll wind up writing an auto-biography...and wouldn't THAT be boring?

I am really good at...

I should most likely have someone ELSE write this part, but I'll just mention some of what others have told me. English, computer hardware upgrades, reading, flogging, pressure points, writing, and other little things that escape my memory just now. Now to expand on each of these points. ENGLISH: I enjoy writing. I'm also VERY critical whenever I read something written by others...no matter that person's status as layman or professional. (I tend to edit books that I read and glaring errors stand out and bug the begeejus outta me.) COMPUTER HARDWARE: That pretty well says it all. I can be a VERY logical person, but I DO NOT enjoy writing software or dealing with it. I concentrate on the hardware aspects, drivers, operating systems, internet security, and networking computer systems. READING: I'm an avid reader...mostly of fiction but also of self-help and technical journals. You'll often find me reading a book to pass what few minutes I have free, just to relax. BDSM: Well, the flogging part is easy. I also tend to use paddles and other various instruments of "ass" destruction on CONSENSUAL adults. The mind is a wonderful playground and I seem to have ability to focus on some people, see inside them, and by implementing various methods, many of them seem to wander into a wonderful place of nirvana. Pressures points can be used for pain OR pleasure, and I've learned a trick or two in using them. They are especially effective during a mind-fuck or certain other bdsm scenes. WRITING: My missives tend NOT to be short and I constantly have to remind myself to shorten them. (Just look at this profile...lol.) I'm seldom totally satisfied with my work and can always think of better ways to say things or things I SHOULD have said. I tend to write in an educated (read academic or stuffy) manner for the most part, but CAN be humorous, lighthearted, and kinky at times. You never know what will drip from the tip of my pen.

First things that people notice about you...

My openness, friendliness,the duality of my personality/nature, and intensity. I suppose I should add to this part. The OKcupid and Briggs/Meyers tests list me as a bit of an INFP , but I can also be very out-going and gregarious. I have a quick wit and tend to use humor to defuse tense situations. There are also times where I may be quiet and introspective. People feel that I'm trusting in that I give everyone the initial respect and acceptance of who they SAY they are because that's how I prefer to be excepted. I'm also non-prejudiced and lack tolerance for those who are. People notice my preference to practice the "golden rule" of treating them as I would like to be treated.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food ...

Anything Star Trek (SciFI), James Patterson (most mysteries), John Norman, James Herbert, The Marketplace Series, CCR, Tom Petty, Older Rock n Roll, classical, instrumental, some of most genres of music, and books. Mexican, meat n potatoes, American cuisine. One thing that's my favorite American (southern) dish is good, ole navy beans and ham or pinto beans with bacon. Mix either of those with a side of GOOD cornbread and some fried taters and I'm in heaven. (Not great for the cholesterol, but sure tastes good.) I originate from the West Coast but my parents were from the South, so those foods are the ones I prefer most. Foodwise, I tolerate eating things that swim or fly, but you won't see me eating any fish or fowl that often. Music is wonderful and I almost always have some going in the background. I'm not much for the lyrics (but SOME do catch my attention) and mainly listen to the rhythm and beat...no matter the genre (and yeah that includes SOME rap.) Two songs that come to mind that kinda epitomizes me are Charlie Pride's old chestnut, "I'm Just Me", and Uncle Kraker's "Follow Me."

Six things I could never do without...

Books, movies, music, computers, my slave, friends, and a roof over my head. Of course I need the other necessities of life like air, water, food, and shelter. I also need solitude now and then, and open, honest, close friends. I need the sexual stimulation and closeness of good friends, lovers, and companions. While raised in the Christian sense, I need my sense of spirituality which encompasses many other religions, including pagan. I NEED honesty, integrity, and respect...both given and received. If you can't provide these things, then it's doubtful that we would be a good match.

I spend a lot of time thinking about...

BDSM, polyamory, sex, computer hardware, movies, multiple-partners, traveling, and various other places my mind wanders. As I've mentioned previously; I can be a VERY complex person most of the time. My interests are often eclectic and varied. My mind will stick on one thing for a while, almost to the exclusion of everything else. I enjoy good, honest, intellectual conversations about almost ANY topic. You'll find that nothing is off-limits for discussion in my book. With the exception of Lust, you will also find that I DETEST any display of most of the other negative emotions that Pandora released from her box. I can be playful and creative (and my thoughts will often wander in that direction) but I am also VERY forthright, verbose, and open-minded although I DO have my own, definite opinions. I AM a thinker...sometimes to the exclusion of DOING. Is that a fault...well, maybe, at times.

On a most typical Friday night I am...

Home with my girl and sometimes entertaining friends. I don't really go by the standard workweek except that's how my job dictates my free time. I tend to stay busy all the time but I'm NOT a workaholic. I enjoy watching a good movie or television show or spending time talking about our lives and where they might go in the future. I'm impulsive at times and like to enjoy whatever my particular mood or inclination takes me...whether it's listening to music, spending time online, talking, or having great sex. It's all good and we need all those things. It's just best when it's spent with like-minded friends and those closest to you. My friends tend to be part of my extended family, some with whom I share extra benefits. It's not always what you do for fun and relaxation as much as who your share it with.

Most Private thing I am willing to admit...

Can't think of much to put in here. I'm pretty open and honest about myself. Want to know something? Just ask!!! I'm often a private person in some aspects, but that's not something I think about. If something is private it's only because not everyone would understand or accept those things. I'm not hiding a thing, however. I will gladly tell you about any private situation or moment in my life. I've had a long, full, and exciting life and have so many special moments that I don't honestly know what ONE thing I'd put here. Hence, my suggestion to contact me and ask.

In regard to my interests in polyamory, I will openly admit to certain things. I am married to a wonderful woman who is the light of my life to whom I'm intensely dedicated, as she is with me. I am not ashamed of my views even though others may reject our standards or not agree with them.

You should message me with...

You can deal with (notice that I DIDN'T say AGREE with?) most, if not all of my, points of view. You MUST be open, honest, and sincere. No fakes, phonies, or wannabes...just real people. You need to want to be a friend and see how we would connect in that aspect. One thing I DEMAND and EXPECT is mutual respect with no prejudice. I guarantee that you will receive in return whatever you send to me. I answer all my messages and mail, even if it takes me a while to do it. Just like you, I have my own ideals and opinions...I respect you for yours and ask that you respect me for mine. If you want to expand your horizons in some areas: contact me. If you want to share similar interests and thoughts: contact me. If you can't be open and honest about your feelings, interests, desires, or just want to disagree with mine...then by all means move on. I'm not the person for you.

**UPDATE: It seems a TON of people look at my profile but nobody writes, comments, or otherwise interacts with me once they peek. Guess I don't have the right equipment to be that much of interest or I'm just plain scary and too old eh? Oh well, being a voyeur can be fun at times too...weg.

I do remember filling out a profile and I know for a fact what I like and I am pretty sure everything that he has listed IS NOT compatible to me...86% my match, 70% my friend...with ONLY 33% my enemy...?

More like flip those stats with 86% being TOO low of a number on the enemy scale I say! I'd rip that guy a new "____"....if was up to me

But each to their own they say...

The only thing that guy has got going for himself is that he is positive of what he does want and doesn't hide it and the fact that he's willing to add that there is a possibility that he MIGHT be a little on the scary side....

I'll PASS this one....

Anybody else interested...his age choice is 27-70....;{?

Just hope your ass is up to it....;{

My first thought was to report him to the cops in his area and ask whether he might fit one of their scary suspects...?

As for the rest of my interesting life...

Sinus are acting normal for this time of the year...gotta love the itchy eyes and how they love to run with the dust and crap, kind of keeps up with the nose...big sigh

Our snow is almost gone and I saw my first robin on Sunday...there's even been some new little birdies that I must try to photo and see if anyone knows what they are? Sadly never have the camera handy when I do see one...hope they stick around for me to snap it. Our area is a main fly zone for a lot of different species of birds, so one wonders if some get lost...;}?

My slow time never hit...designing like crazy but money never appeared? I HATE TIRE KICKERS!

Been busy giving out FREE advice on grad decor ideas and the parade float signage is starting...but these are just proposals. My main customer's, the oilfield, is on hold right now due to it being too wet to go into the fields!

You should try budgeting for 4 months without any serious income and see how you live...teachers have to do it for only 2! One does keep wondering how I exist? I do have a guardian soul that helps me when I do get too desperate and a large order has landed but that payment will take another month to get here...big sigh

I HATE being a owner of a business sometimes...we don't get unemployment benefits!

BIG SIGH...

Been trying to walk twice a day, as this is the bug-free time and am so enjoying it! Aside form the once-in-a while cold wind nipping at the face...it's been refreshing having the cobwebs blown from the brain...

Another project that has been occupying my brain cells is our final acceptance of the paranormal into our town's museum!

PoD and I, along with the financial support of my business, are putting the Shadow People shapes and Orbs where they have been seen and documented. We've also been given space to hang photos and paranormal info. Our deadline for completion is the centennial celebration in July! PoD is almost at the end of her commitment with dinner theater [I stayed out of it] and we plan to get at it going soon after....I have to give her a break first she says...

Been also waiting to hear back from the town council whether I can keep reporting about the courthouse hauntings...seems I need their permission on some things for a new blog I'm planning on just it.

As for decorating theme wise...the Easter bunny has found his way here already! I only wish he would stop dropping off those marshmallow bunnies that I love soooooo much...kind of defeats the walking purpose...

Or maybe I should walk further so I can have more bunnies...

Did I ever tell you I HATE BEING DIABETIC...

Stay tuned for the Darkside Zodiac, as my most annoying sign that seems to be attracted to me most, is next...TAURUS [Apr 21-May 21]

YOU ALL HAVE A NICE DAY......;)

SNOW, SNOW, SNOW AND MORE SNOW...



Thought I'd show you the creepier side of winter...


Other than the fact that it IS winter that is...

Notice how the camera flashed on the door penguin's face...kind of weird

It even caught part of the face of the one in the snow bank...

Notice the carved edges of the snow banks...

The once fluffy stuff has compacted enough to be able to carve them...

Notice the metal sign stakes that seem to be acting as a snow guard fence [sort of]. I had brilliantly froze them in the ground so they will be stuck there until the thaw. I had planned on putting the lights back up but the electrical plug-in is under all of that crap too! I bent the wires over so no one will impale themselves on them.

In the photo below...see the poor shoveling penguin. His head barely peeks out of the snow near the orange dot [sign to be]

I've even carved a way to the garbage can. I hadn't planned on it, hoping to save some shoveling, only to notice that the meter reader dude has to plow his way through it to get to the meters out back of the house. I did stop at the can though...he's young enough to plow through the 3 feet deep stuff of the rest of it to get to them...:(

Notice the valentines?

Been trying to keep them above the snow fall and have had to lift them out three times already!

So here I sit at my computer composing this.... hoping that shoveling is coming to and end...



And again the door penguin catches the last creepy shot...



And all of the dots in the pictures are NOT Orbs....



JUST SNOW AND MORE SNOW....

WHERE DID IT GO?

The Age of Innocence....

AJ...her first day of school...Kindergarten

A look of excitement...

Yet a bit apprehensive...but there's a sparkle in those eyes!

A hint of a smile...

She may have HAD a few weeks of happiness...
who knows for sure?

Her life at school has been one from hell since!


She is being bullied by one boy and shunned by most of the kids in her school!

As of today, she cries herself to sleep most nights...wondering what she has done wrong to deserve the hurts that she receives daily from her classmates, especially from one certain boy! It's hard enough being a bully's main focal point, but if you have no moral/physical support from your own sex in your grade [or others]...life sucks big time!

She says that she has a couple of friends that live out on farms but PoD sees no activity from these friends [?] outside of school and when your daughter says that she spends all of her time alone or in the library filing books during her spare times, things don't add up to any social life in school either!

All you lonely adults out there know what I am talking about...try being a teenage hormonal girl and all alone [family doesn't count]! Things can get serious if not seen to!

HER CRIME RIGHT NOW:

She's almost 6' tall and is dangerously overweight in a classroom of SCARY THIN girls! [Most are screaming right now..."quit using the "fat" as an excuse", but in this case it's TRUE!] Thinness rules in this town as I have found thru my own experiences, worse so in the girls in our school! One is even on the "Anorexic" watch list...that's how bad it is!

HER CRIME IN THE BEGINNING: [Kindergarten onward]

She was classified as being "slow witted" [?] by the boy who was tormenting her and the rest of his classmates [plus some town people]? Her problems were; Dyslexia, which makes learning things harder for her due to all the visual confusion of letters and words, she had some slight visual problems which were correctable by glasses, hearing impairment [which required tubes being put in] and the fact that she was taller/bigger than most her age. All of this led to her being very quiet and very shy. She was afraid to talk in case she made a fool out of herself. This helped to labeled her as "retarded" [?] by some?

From the beginning she needed special teaching help to cope with the Dyslexia and that helped to set her apart immediately from the rest of her class. Thing is...she will never be "cured" from the Dyslexia, she will always have it! Yet her grades are excellent and she has never had to be held back...ever! Why hasn't she been recognized for that fact? Maybe it's the fact that she still has to attend these special classes? Her sight and hearing aren't a problem anymore either...so that's not a deterement?

But one could live with those if they were her only problem!




Her worst hell comes from one boy in her class!

Let's start with Kindergarten...

Our naive world of belief in small town niceness, came to a crash one day, when PoD noticed that AJ's body was covered in big bruises...21 of them! Mostly on the legs! That's when she found out about all the torment this boy had putting her through, the latest being throwing rocks at her! Hard enough to leave BIG bruises!

She had been taught not to be a "cry baby" and to fight her own battles. So she tried...

Her response to this boy's torment was just to say nothing and take it! Tattling at that age was not an option for any kid, even in Kindergarten? Sadly Happily bruises tell stories! PoD spoke to the teacher, all was seen to and never happen again...the throwing rocks that is!

Verbal abuse makes no visual marks!

This kid is an expert at meanness!

He has honed his art to a perfection!

A master at his craft and he's only 13 years old!

He did push her too far one day [gr. 2 or 3] and must have got right into her face [plus he was tormenting someone with her] because she retaliated by punching him in the nose [making it bleed]! She had been taught not to hit, but not to take any abuse nor abuse to others either.


He no longer gets that close to her anymore...:)! Sorry...I normally don't condone violence but enough was enough!

A happy time for her was in grade 5 when she was chosen to play "Mary" in an Xmas pageant being held for the seniors, in the senior's hall, only to have that destroyed by him!

All costumes consisted of bath robes and towels for head draping. She looked no different than the other girls, yet was chosen to be tormented by him on the way that she looked, during the bus ride to the place. She had bravely held her tears back until they got there, but could not go in because he had destroyed her confidence in her attire! A tear stained face didn't help either...all would know she had cried! Took lots of talking from PoD and bravery on her side to complete her part in the play with everyone wondering why she had been crying. I knew without being told what had happened and who the culprit was by the smirk on his face through out the whole play!

If looks could have killed...he would have been dead by my eyes alone!

Kids play you say....

Kids will be kids...

They will grow out of it...

I AM FRIGGING TIRED OF HEARING THOSE EXCUSES BY LAME ASS PARENTS OF THESE TYPES OF CHILDREN!!!

For there are many of them!

AJ could probably write a book on "How To Be Tormented And HOPEFULLY  Be Able To Take It"! Sad to say!!!

Let's fast forward to present day torments...[not that I want to belittle all the other experiences she's had to endure...story is long enough] Let's just say they were MAAAAANY!

They are both 13 now...

-Color Purple...a favorite of hers. Looks really good on her, suits her skin tone. Can't wear it anymore. He now calls her "Barney"...whether she wears it or not!

-September...had saved dried "spike pods" just to throw at her! These are hard suckers, some golf ball sized, with pointy spikes that stick to what ever thrown at...they love skin and eyes! Not to mention that can explode on contact, spraying their seeds everywhere! Toxic seeds that is! Picture screaming girl with mouth open and seeds going in...! /:[ His today's past time is reminding her that he has some FROZEN ones with her name on them waiting for her unguarded moment! Whether he really does or not is not the point...the threat is there! Today he adds "Spike Ball" to his name calling. This was due to PoD's talking to his mother [useless venture] and him about the incident. It's now the big joke to him! Can we say bang your head against the wall satisfaction..;(


-She dyed her hair black [which looks good on her] only now her calls her a witch! Sadly it was close to Halloween so that name has stuck too!


-This kid not only torments her but everyone else who gets in his way...you are either in his group or you will get picked on! That is his way! AJ has no girlfriends because most don't want her problems with this kid.


-Can't ride her bike to school anymore because PoD's safety rule makes her wear a bicycle helmut and he loves to torment her more when she does! Let's add "Helmut Head" to the name calling list!


-His usual responses to her are to called her his hateful names to try bring her ego to the ground and they work so well that he has her believing that she is fat, stupid, stinks and is too ugly for anyone to want for a partner.

He has even thrown in the threat of him stabbing her someday!

With a smile in his voice!


If she tries to ignore him, he bugs her until she has to respond someway...hopefully by crying. This means throwing things at her too!


-He so brazen that he even tried to get her attention at a volleyball game, while sitting right in front of us with his buddies! The only one noticing was me [more daggers from my eyes]! He kept calling her name! Happy she never let on that she knew what he was trying to do or if she even knew it at all. The fact is...he did it right in front of us! That's how sure of himself he is that no one can touch him!


And sadly he's right!

He's been kicked out of this school maaaaaaany times!
Been driven to other towns that don't want him in their system either?
Talked with maaaaaaany counselors/teachers/priciples...nothing works with this kid!


Statement from mother of the monster sweet child goes like this...


"If you have any ideas on how to deal with him let me know. I'm out of ideas! I don't know what  I did to raise such a dink like him?" She called him that, not us!


She also said that she gets daily phone calls from the principle about him!


His brother had come home when PoD had called on them and the first statement out of his mouth was..."What has DickHead done now?" Seems dink and dickhead is the normal names for him at home?


What has come out of his mouth to PoD about his treatment of AJ...
"She's not the only one that I bug"
"I don't care what people with authority think about me or tell me to do!"
"I enjoy it!"


ALL SAID IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER....with big smile on face [probably scary eyed too]!

This is AJ's most recent photo...

Does this look like a face of happiness?

This was the Halloween Dance night. A drastic costume change from the one wore to school. One she had carefully planned. A "Girl of the 70's". A sparkly dress, beads, gawdy tights, high heels and my full length [faux] fur coat. Sounds horrible right? He called her a Hooker! How many of us [guys included] have dressed in that same costume style and not been classified with such distain as she was treated to by him and her classmates because of her costume?


She changed to what you saw in the previous post about Halloween...a "Glamour Girl"


The damage was already done by the sad look on her face that evening...she did try to smile but you could tell it was a strained one!


Now you know what she has/is dealing with...

She has NO self esteem at all, about any part of herself!
She has tried to make friends but every time she tries standing next to some girls they move away from her! They don't even try to disguise it either...they just do it!
She fears for her safety because of the boy's knife threat!
She has nothing but bottled up emotions and says that all she feels is FEAR & ANGER!!!!






What has the school done to help her with the bullying and being a social outcast...


-A young teacher has taken her under her wing during school times and is trying to help build her self esteem back up...but she can't be there all of the time


-They make sure the evil kid sits nowhere near her and are trying to protect her in the hallways!

Other than that...what can they do?

PoD picks her up from school as much as possible...but where's the exercise in that?



The teachers give their usual speeches about "Bullying", what the causes and effects are...but are the kids really listening? Are they even getting it?


This isn't my first time around with this PROBLEM!


PoD's started in Grade 1 [in this town] and continued right up until grade 10! Her crime was being fat and had germs!? She got skinny [gr. 10] and developed an attitude, that was her way of dealing with her tormentors [3 horrible boys and snobby "skinny" girls]! Notice I said "got skinny"...her life changed because she was no longer in that "over weight class" which made her unwantable? As for the germ part...kids do grow up, only the damage was done!

Yah, her classmates have since apologized [you know how I feel about that] for their treatment of her then and feel good about themselves for making amends on their past. It didn't heal her left out feelings though...which is what they had trampled on in the first place!

Guess what...she's still being left out? Why did they apologize only to keep the ignoring on going still? These adults?






For AJ, as of a few days ago...
The troublesome boy's parents have finally received a diagnosis on why he is the way that he is. He has: ODD [Oppositional Defiant Disorder], ADHD [Attention/Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder], OCD [[Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder], Russell-Silver Syndrome [failure to grow syndrome] with a maturity level of a grade 3! [Look them up...you will be amazed! I think most kids must be that way lately! ;( ]


What a smack in the head for those parents not to mention for that kid! NO WONDER HE IS THE WAY THAT HE IS!!!


8 YEARS that family has had to put up with this kid and those disorders!


8 YEARS... it's taken to get that diagnosis!

???????




It hasn't only been AJ that has suffered from the abuse from this kid. He has made his home life hell and has destroyed his sister the same way as AJ? What took so long? The mother did say that they had to change Health systems here in order to get these results?


Some can be helped with medication and he is slated for a personal assistant now. Hopefully it will help AJ from here with the bullying by him but what of the rest of them who don't have those excuses?


Is ignoring a person or shunning them, classified as Bullying? It makes them outcasts!




It breaks my heart when I attend her volleyball games and have to watch her being totally ignored, not spoken to and generally not getting to play! She joins these things to fit it and it just doesn't work! I give her TONS of credit on keeping on trying!

It doesn't help that the coaches never include her much either! Both my daughter and her have made great bench warmers for they were too fat to be played? Sad to say they weren't the only ones not played much. Rule goes... only the "fit" [skinny] got to play and not that they were the most qualified! Being fat is only advantageous if you are a boy and play football!



I have to say that this post has taken a long time to write due to it's sensitive nature!


I have had to consider my grand daughter's feelings on letting the world know her problems but I am tired of her being a big secret!

I tried with my daughter, respecting her wishes not to make matters worse for her and stayed out of it. Let her fight her own battles. All that did was let her building her self esteem with anger! I don't want anger for my grand daughter!


I want her to know that there IS someone besides her family that actually cares about how she turns out!


PoD was asked by the school's Principal to keep it quiet about what is wrong with this boy so that everyone won't think this kid is as mentally disturbed as he is? Don't let anyone know what is REALLY wrong with this kid and why he is the way that he is? With this kids actions most don't like him now...won't knowing just what IS wrong better, than that of "he's just a horrible kid"! We all recognize the ones that display the obvious psyhical syndromes but not the ones with these problems! His are immense and I reconize that, but it doesn't change what he has done to my grand daughter!

I want the world to know about what happens with these kids with these problems!

What will he be like in the future when the smoking and alcohol starts?

WILL medication help him?


Against PoD's wishes, relayed from the Principal... I want the world to know! If that includes my lurkers in Dodge...so be it! It's not meant to destroy this kid [?] only to let others know why he is this way and to ask WHY DID IT TAKE SO FRIGGING LONG???




Who is paying for that silence...not my grand daughter nor will the rest of his victims!




He can be medicated and hopefully is! Yes, he has a long road with possiblity of no hope of being "cured"!


SO DOES HIS VICTIMS!




AJ's fight back to mental/psyhical freedom has started with her health style change...she is changing her eating habits and exercising! She has now joined up for basketball with her goal being to "do" all sports or at least try to. Hopefully she will get to do more than bench warm! Big people can be athletes too you know!


She also works out at the gym after school...when not doing school sports that is!


She can make herself skinny [and healthy :)] by doing these things...yet






WILL BEING THINNER, MAKE HER MORE ACCEPTABLE........?






How can one cure her shyness?

Cure her fear of making any kind of mistake? [Judged but who?]


Her Dyslexia will forever be there! Ask the famous people who have the same problem!


She will never be short as well as he will never be any taller!


Sadly she comes from a long line of a family history with hereditary "misfiring synapses" that can lead to serious consequences if not seen to! This is our dark secret [not my side of the family]!






Good start for what kind of future....






Seems the "Age of Innocence" is.......

?

REMEMBRANCE DAY...

"Lest Ye Forget"...

I haven't!

My tribute to the fallen...it's been lit since the 7th and will stay lit until tonight at midnight!

I remember the high pitched wails from the "War Sirens" that used to be in Edmonchuk [Alberta, where I was born]! There was one half a block from our house. When it went off one never knew whether it was real or just another practice run! Being that close to it made it really loud and quite impressive to a young child like I was. To this day, that sound, still sends the same chill down my spine and the old feelings of dread returns! Our town has a fire alarm siren that is about the same distance as the one from the olden days and it sounds the same!

That was the worst reminder that ones life/freedom could be taken away at any moment by unknown forces!

The other is the "Poppy"!

The RED Poppy!


Removing the War Sirens was a great thing for me and I hope they never have to return!


But removing the color out of the red poppy to promote peace sounds dumb to me!

All that does is make the red poppy insignificant!

Doesn't the red stand for the blood that was spilled for the sake of our freedom?

How does draining the blood that was spilled from that war symbol make it peaceful?

Removing the color from this symbol makes no sense!

The "red" poppy is the symbol for war reminding, isn't it?

Is this not the symbol for peace...

[I meant to show it as a white dove...oops]

?

I thought they could add it this way....

But I still don't like it on the poppy!

Other symbols like the health and disability Awareness Ribbons...

are represented by colors!

Removing the color did not change the reasoning for their awareness.

The white stands for something else!

 So today I am standing up for ALL of our Veterans who gave it their all for US! 

LEST YE FORGET!