Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Happy Anniversary to me!

It’s been 1 year since my heart “incident” was fixed!

First off…they now call heart “attacks” an “incident” because the “attack” word was too harsh and made it too scary!
Beats me how you can downsize an “attack” to an “incident” and make it feel better…it didn’t help me!

This is my story and I hope that it can help someone else either prevent or recognize what’s happening and your chances!

Hopefully you will be smarter than me!

I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 in 1994.
No…I did not look after myself and follow proper diet and now I have to pay for it!
I have uttered every excuse imaginable why I couldn’t keep up with it and excuses don’t keep death from the doorstep!

I love sweets…especially chocolate! Chocolate made me feel better…the “high” that you get from it supposedly helps the stress.

WRONG!

The sugar helped to close my left aorta!

For those of you who do not have diabetes…don’t think that you’re safe!

Your not if you have cholesterol problems!

I didn’t HAVE CHOLESTROL!

The results…the right side of my heart was working overtime and made the small arteries bulge from the exertion!

PART ONE: RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS:

-Family History of Heart Problems!
This is very important! My mom died of heart failure when she was 36! I made it passed the age of 36 and thought I was safe! WRONG…you are never safe! Stick with the proper diet and live right…you might be okay! I am now 55 and I would like to live longer!

-Being more tired than you should be!
I am a work-aholic and wrote it off as working too much and not getting enough sleep. Keeping long working hours didn’t help either.

-Not able to walk very far or do any hill climbing!
Even the slight incline of this town’s streets were too hard for me to traverse and the short walk to the post office made me breathless!

-Different kind of pain!
My left arm felt numb from the shoulder to my elbow and the elbow joint ached. I always thought the right arm was to go numb and there would be pain in my jaw and neck if I was having a heart attack! I actually ignored this numbness a couple of times when I was out trying to go for a walk! Now I know I could have died then!

-Having that same pain wake you at night!
I was having “night sweats” and the pain in my arm would wake me. I wrote this off as symptoms of Diabetes but the arm pain left me wondering.

PART TWO – WHEN IT HAPPENED:

Saturday morning -July 23, 2005

I needed to walk up to PoD’s place [away on holidays] to feed her animals. She lived up the hill from me and the climb was too much! I was having these pains in my leftt arm again and seeing as the doctor’s clinic was near her I went to his place instead. He wasn’t home…away until Monday. Feeling bad enough I figured I could walk to the hospital [3 long blocks away] and get it checked…just in case.

STUPID thing to do! By the time I got there I was in agony and I felt my arm needed to come off…the pain was so bad!

We had a new doctor in town at that time and that’s who I got to see!

My legs were swollen and he pegged everything down to stress, anxiety and being over weight! Oxygen made the pain go away and he figured that it eased my stress, etc. Giving me a “Water Retention Pill” prescription sent me on my merry way! Forgetting that I had told him that I had WALKED there!

On the walk back to my place [downhill] I had another attack!

I had to put up with the pain until my family doctor came home [Sunday night] and then I only had to tell him my symptoms over the phone for him to put me in the hospital for observation!

Diagnosis: Acute Angina!

This means living with “Angina Spray and Nitro Patches” [both give you massive headaches]!

Where the hell did that other doctor get his degree!

Oh wait…we’ll take anyone with a degree that will stay here!

Maybe I’m being over dramatic…but I could have died!!

Yes…I do know that you can’t die from Angina…but telling yourself that when you’re having an “incident” doesn’t help!

Now comes all of the testing!

Waiting for appointments!

They have to do stress tests, echo heart monitoring, etc!

Professional people didn’t seem to be too worried about my heart…so I tried not to also. Ha! What a joke! Just added more stress!

The stress test said I was definitely a candidate for “stents” to be put in!

What the hell are “Stents”?
They widen your veins with balloons and put in these stainless steel “Culverts” to keep them open!

I even put the “One-Act Festival in DeerJaw” [Nov. 4] ahead of my health [because I was acting in this one and felt that I owed my acting company not to let them down] that’s how much my ignorance was at that time!

Or maybe my denial of the situation!

I spent that weekend having a few more “incidences”!

At 12:30 am Nov. 23 I was awaken by a severe “incident” that landed me into the hospital here. It was bad enough to send me the next day into “Toon Town” and right into the Cardiac Care Unit!

PART THREE – The Nightmare!

Everyone hates being in the hospital and I’m no exception!
It’s not bad when you’re feeling poorly, which I was, but care makes you feel better! Feeling better stops the angina!

In order to get the procedure done you have to stay there so you don’t lose your place in the line-up!
Yes…Line-up!
There is only two rooms in a hospital in “Toon Town and District” to do this procedure!

While you’re waiting for the “Procedure” they have tapes for you to watch so you know what is about to happen to you!

The first thing you find out is… YOU’RE AWAKE when it is being done!

The next thing that you find out is that you might not have it [stents] put in until the NEXT time!

What NEXT TIME!

Going through ONE -AWAKE is bad enough…but TWICE!!

So I waited!

And Waited!

And Waited…

Meanwhile they have been giving me blood thinner…etc, in preparation for this “Procedure”. Telling me this whole time they were keeping in touch with the “Procedure” unit.

I don’t know who they were calling because word came down [2 1/2 weeks later] that they had been trying to find me to tell that it was time…but I wasn’t answering my phone at home or at work?

WHAT???!

They had finally connected with PoD and she had to tell them where I was and had been for weeks!

NOW I HAVE TO TRUST THESE SAME PEOPLE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!?

BUT…seeing as they couldn’t find me I had to go to the bottom of the list!

NO F—king WAY!

They got to see my bad side!

I wouldn’t leave until I had a permanent appointment with the “Surgeon”!

They had messed around with my blood [thinning etc] and blood clotting also runs in the genes! So no way was I taking that chance…I lived too far away to feel safe!

Stress was making me worse!

PART FOUR – THE PROCEDURE!

Dec 13, 2005

Outpatient Surgery Department [7:30 am]…answer same questions at front desk and on the ward. These people would save time if they would only photocopy that sheet! Or maybe give me a copy and I could carry copies around with me!

Then the nurse gives you this scratchy gown and tells you to wait…I’m supposedly next!

Found out that next meant 4 hours later!

FINALLY…it’s time!

I liked it better when they brought the stretcher to you and you are wheeled into the operation room. They gave you a drug that made you relax and it wasn’t so stressful going into that room and the urge to run is not there! But not now…now you have to walk to the operating room…stone sober…and your stress level goes way up! All I wanted to do was run away and forget everything!

Putting on a brave face I climbed onto the table!
I was swarmed by nurses and doctors…prepped for the procedure!

I was told that it was only to find what was blocked and if I MIGHT need more work.
The doctor thought it funny that I crossed my fingers!
I wasn’t taking any chances…NO WAY was I going to go through this again!

They have TV monitors all around you and this x-ray machine continually takes pictures of your heart while he is working on it! You can if watch if you want.

REMEMBER – YOU’RE AWAKE!!

Queen of Halloween is squeamish!!

Last thing I wanted to see was someone shoving a microscopic camera through my vein into my heart [thankfully it kept beating], let alone watch as they blow it up with this balloon!

I am also happy that they talk real low so it’s hard to hear things like “that part of the heart is too damaged to repair” and “we don’t have anymore stents that size” [they put 3] while you are laying there! Those words came later the next day!

1 hour turned into 2 ½ hours!

What does a person think of during that time?

I have a fantastic imagination! Try and keep that under control while all of this is going on!
All you have to stare at is the ceiling tiles! I think I counted them a million times!
I vote for them to have TVs installed up there and run a movie or documentary [not about the heart]!

I forgot to tell them about the deteriated disc in my back and laying for that long killed me! After awhile pain killers didn’t work! Thankfully they were finally done!

PART FIVE – THE RECOVERY ROOM!

Tourcher Chamber!

The procedure was to insert this microscopic camera in my body through the main vein in my crotch [right side] area. This has to be sealed shut after they are finished or you will bleed to death!

This is where they bring in the “CLAMP”!

The “Clamp” is a machine that looks like a huge “C”! The bottom of the “C” slides under the bed frame and the top of the “C” is positioned over your incision! Then they screw it tightly down on this incision to make it heal better!

As she was screwing it down tighter and tighter…she kept asking me if it was tight enough! My groaning from the pain wasn’t enough to stop her! I thought she’d never stop!

This has to stay there for 20 minutes!

20 minutes felt like HOURS!

Again I was lying on my back and the pain was intensified by the clamp!

Hospitals use Tyelenol for pain killing…I am allergic to Tyelenol! The only drug that works for my back pain…they would not give to me!

I have a strong thresh hold for pain…but this was unbearable!

After 20 minutes of hell they finally removed the clamp and up to the ward I went.

Now all I have to do is lie on my back for another 6 hours and don’t move a muscle…you can’t even lift your head! This is to keep the blood pressure from bursting the incision!

MORE AGONY!!

FINALLY at 3:00 am it was all over and I could get up!
If I could have jumped out of that bed I would have!
I paced the hallway on my floor to get rid of my back agony…the incision hardly hurt at all!

Did you know that the hospital hallways are real creepy at 3:00am!

The quietness made it quite spooky and I felt like I was being watched! Perfect place to see ghosts! But my mood at that moment would have scared any ghost away!

Morning finally arrived along with breakfast! I was starved! I even ate all of their crappy food!

The doctor arrived right after that and gave me two pictures of my heart…the before and after shots!

I was closer to death than I figured and was told that he was amazed that I hadn’t had a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK!

STUPIDITY AND DENIAL nearly did me in!

And yes…I now have some heart damage and it’s not repairable!

He also gave me a “green card”! I have to hang on to this card just in case anything goes wrong with the “stents”? They’ll need the numbers on them for replacements?

Wrong?

Yup…the heart can reject these things and sometimes the medication [very expensive] they give you to prevent this doesn’t work!

Wonderful….more stress!

With this procedure you are not able to go home until the next day…just in case things don’t stay together…more worry!

Home never looked so good!

PART SIX – THE RECOVERY

How does one contend with oneself when they get back from heart surgery? Nobody cut me open but I felt like they did!

I keep the photos around to remind myself and hopefully others of what can happen! Diabetes is a sneaky disease…it creeps up on you and destroys everything!

I started the year out just fine…I stuck to my diet and even lost some more weight! I tried to relax more…gave more work to PoD and all was okay until I caught a cold!

I have had problems with Bronchitis in the past and it looked like it was going that way again!

The coughing was scaring me and the doctors…so back into the city hospital again!

More testing and another 10 days until they let me go.

Diagnosis: Pneumonia!

Thankfully all “stents” have stayed in place!

Man…I’m sick of being sick!

I’ve tried avoiding people so I wouldn’t catch their germs but I couldn’t do that to my grandkids.

It didn’t matter! I have another cold [not pneumonia] and caught the flu!

Did you know that you can have the flu for a month or more?

Wonderful!

Most recently I have had to go back to the specialist about my Diabetes.

I have two sores on my body that no one seems to know anything about!

With Diabetes care has to be taken with your feet and legs. Mine are just fine!

These sores are on my stomach! The first one took a month to heal! This new one is worse than the other [bleeds sometimes] and all the doctors can say is “wait and see how this one goes”!

They are too busy at the moment and maybe I should wait for any others to show up and then they might do a biopsy!

Meanwhile testing has shown that I no longer can take pills to control my sugars.

I am now Type 1!

This means being insulin dependant!

To do this I have to go back into the hospital to learn to regulate it!

I CAN’T B---H TOO MUCH…I’M STILL ALIVE!!!

OR AM I?

Guess What!

Today I land back into the hospital [1 year to the day]…they are going to regulate my sugars with insulin shots. I will be in there over the weekend so I get to miss our wind-up party AGAIN!

I have 5% of my xmas shopping done…my tree is not up yet, shop has been decorated for a month…no xmas tree there either! I don’t think I want to put up one only to take it down one week later. Granted some people don’t put theirs up until xmas eve.

I am behind at work and planned to spend that time to catch-up…customers are getting sick of our saying we’re still behind.

Oh well!

I am taking a page from Wilma’s book and try not to let it bug me! Easier said than done!

Cross your fingers for me!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

WTF Continued....

The first blog for the day I had written in the early morning hours yesterday. I didn't post it yesterday because I figured I'd be fair and give them a chance to clear of the snow.

No one came!

Then I found out that the downtown main street was cleared properly and NO ONE WAS CLIMBING OVER SNOW MOUNDS!

The snow in front of my place wasn't even mounded...I had 6 to 7 feet stretch to my door of a foot of snow! 4 wheel drive is the only vehicle that didn't get stuck!

My nice neighbor had cleared my sidewalk that morning with his Bobcat...thanks guy!

But the snow continued....

Ticked....I phoned the town office!

I gotta admit I was proud of myself for not flying off the handle!
Town person [new] told me she did not know the protocols for snow removal and would get back to me. Within 5 minutes she had called back and informed me that the plowing crew were just starting to remove snow again and would get to me then or today sometime. As she was talking I saw the tractor/bucket go by and NO they did not do it then!

I then watched as they plowed the back alley [across the street from me] and then watched as it cleared a PRIVATE residence's parking area [next to that back alley] and even behind their garage! NO it wasn't the Mayor's house but I would chance a guess that Tractor Guy might know them!!

Well....it snowed/sleeted last night and I awoke [slept in...7:45] to more snow out front!

Then low and behold....the Tractor Guy plowed my street [8:15]!

Yep....plowed the snow and now my customers have to climb the mountain!

Guess it was rocket science after all!!

The poor boulevard trees are going to go thirsty this coming spring!!

I guess I can't complain....they did put gravel/salt down on that icy roadway! But now I can't have my usual laugh at the poor souls that drive my street. I got a great kick out of how some people can't back up and have to turn around and drive out going the wrong way.

So bring your climbing gear if you plan on stopping at my place...cause who knows how big that mountain is going to get!!

Maybe I'll take a page out of Wilma's book and write a nice note to the newspaper's mail bag on how this town is becoming crappy because of lack of experience...or are they just okay with hiring ANYONE who THINK they can operate a machine!

Paint my aura RED!!

WTF!!!

Yesterday morning I awoke [5:00am] hearing the town grader and it sounded like they were doing my street!

It snowed a lot the night before and amazingly they were up early to remove it…definitely not something done before!

But I guess the Grader Guy can read lips after all!

Because I must be on his s__t list!!!

Or…

He just doesn’t know how to remove snow properly with that machine!

I moved into town 4 years ago and the snow in front of my place has ALWAYS been plowed from the curb over to the boulevard! But since this town has gone through a massive turn over of personnel [town foreman, etc] they have had problems!

I am a very understanding person…normally!

I know they have their problems but don’t you think you would try to hire someone with EXPERIENCE in what they do!

It’s not rocket science!!!

You tell me if you like parking at a store that you would have to climb over a mountain of snow just to get to the door or maybe chance getting your vehicle stuck in it!

When that same snow could have been resting across the street from it on the boulevard…where it would water the trees when it melted!

But that would make too much sense!!!

My shop is in the downtown area…the other stores have easy access! Their snow is plowed to the middle of the street where it is REMOVED!

Why is my place different!

Not to be too paranoid…the building beside me happens to be a town heritage site and the snow was “bucket” removed from the front of it!!!

I guess you get more service with “sugar on it” instead of sour when you curse them!

But I feel miserable [still sick] enough to start something!

They haven’t felt the “Wrath of QoH” yet but something tells me they are going to!!!

Stay tuned!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Sorry I haven't been blogging but I'm fighting a head cold [as usual] and I think the flu has been trying to get a foot hold...and I think it's winning!

Being Diabetic [type 2] sucks!!!
Pick up any cold/flu medication and read the warning label...all say "do not take if your Diabetic, etc." So no help is available there!

But that's not why I'm blogging!

I saw my younger sister's ghost again!

Again it was only for a split second but I know it was her!
I saw her once before, about six months ago, when I was sick with pnuemonia!
Both times were when I wasn't even thinking of her and she appeared!

The first time I was busy working and looked up and saw her standing by one of my computers! It was long enough to recognize what she was wearing and it was an outfit that I had seen her in before [no it wasn't her funereal outfit because I never viewed her at that time...I couldn't] and it wasn't an outfit that she wore a lot!

This morning I saw her at the foot of the stairs leading up to my private residence.

I was fully awake and had completed some early morning chores before descending to my work place. I did notice that both cats would not go downstairs with me as they usually do and thought that strange?

I had just gone down three steps when I realized that the foot of the steps was faintly lit...I looked at the area and saw her standing there! I always go down the stairs in the dark...it's that familiar to me.

Again it was just for a split second but long enough to recognize that it was her!

When she was alive she was always there for me...especially when I was sick. She always seemed to know when I was down and might need her help! Last time I ended up in the hospital...hope that's not the case this time! I don't feel as bad as that last time so I don't think that will happen!

But I do have a doctors appointment on thursday in "S'toon" hospital!

I know that a lot might think I'm nuts...but who cares!

I know what I saw!

Maybe being ill makes my guard drop and let's me see these things...who knows? I can't blame it on wishing it because when I wish her to be here she doesn't appear! I know she's on my mind a lot but not this morning!

What a way to start the day!