Sunday, May 08, 2011


The happiest part of this day is the fact that I gave life to 2 amazing human beings who mean more than life its self to me!!! Having grandchildren has only added to it!

Get between me and my kids/grand kids and you will see one very mad mother bear!

If anything, I would say that I raised my kids as both a mother and a father!

And YES....I will pat myself on the back for all of their GOOD traits and let you know that the BAD ones are HIS!


Sadly, I cannot say Happy Mother's Day to my biological mother in person because she passed away when I was 10...;(

To say that I remember much about her...I don't! I do remember some things but not much...parents aren't that important to kids at that age, so they think.

Her passing was also a very tragic time for me, as I experienced her death through a dream and later experienced seeing her ghost through out our house. Having the dream and later seeing mom's ghost caused problems with me and my sister "Buttons"...she believed me and thought she saw her once too!

When the step mother appeared on the scene, she couldn't take my/our spooky tales and felt that I had convinced my sister that she was crazy too? Her solution was to send us both to see a psychiatrist! It took me two sessions to decide that that I hated him and wasn't going back! What I did learn from his sessions was to never tell anyone ever again about odd things that happened to me after my mom's death...buried it deep is what I did do!

The thoughts that I do remember about my mom are happily only good ones...:)

Sadly I don't feel much of a connection with her?

Our time together was a short 10 years and much of those years had to be shared with 5 other siblings! My baby years were interrupted with the arrival of my younger sister [18 mons between us], so my babyhood was even shorter.

This was also a woman who slaved for her household. I don't recall any of us ever doing house work! She even made her own soap because she had to, not because it was a hobby! We were also very poor, so she made a lot of our clothing! She had no time for kids. One statement I do remember was when I thought I was adopted [I thought I didn't look like anyone in the family...they all had brown eyes and I was the only one to have blue, etc.] was "with all you kids, do you think I want to adopt one"?

I guess birth control was expensive back then? Kind of glad about that, if you get what I mean...;)

The woman that did spend a lot of time in my life [52] and made some major changes, was my Dad's fourth wife. This made her my step mother!

The EVIL step-mother!

There were times that I compared my life with the tale of Cinderella!

The step mother also had a daughter whom my Dad later adopted after their marriage. Our earlier years together as sisters was fairly rocky in the beginning but later has improved with maturity.

The step mother was an experience that will never go away and did make me part of the hard worker that I am today!

This was also a hard woman that had to live a hard life herself and knew no better way to teach her life's lessons. She grew up with a father that molested her, a mother that didn't care, a lover that abandoned her with their unborn baby and between all of them they created a very hard person!

Looking back now, those were my growing up years and were very important that a strong hand be used. Sadly, the compassion that had been lacking in her up bring showed towards us kids!

Her daughter was a different story! She ended up the spoiled one! Something she wishes had been different if she had only been shown the same up bringing! Her life was the bad side as a teenager and lots of mistakes were made.

The time that I did enjoy with my step mother was during my 20's while I lived in Edmonchuk. We did some crazy things together and had some great laughs so it wasn't all bad. Those were the years that I was proud to call her mom!

I moved out of the province after my first child and haven't been back to the old home front since. Not because of her, mind you. That was my ex's doing.

The step mom and I remained reasonably close throughout her remaining years. Buttons [who also moved far away] and I always made a point to visit whenever we were able to, more so as her health faded. Many a time we would rush to her bedside with the urgings of our sister [her daughter] with the dire warnings of impending death, only to have her rally to health.

She passed a year & 2 months before Buttons did!

Our step mother's will devastated both her and I. Not that we were expecting anything [she had left us something before she died] but thought to be remembered by last words of love!

We weren't!

I have never seen the will as all was left to HER daughter! Including her last thoughts!

But we figured if there were words on it for us, she would have let us see the will. She didn't! I won't ask, as I feel there is something on it that none of us should see? She says that step mother wasn't in her "sane-of-mind" but then that would make the will null & void?

For that... I cannot, in my mind, give out the days wishes for her easily!

She got her wishes when she was a good step mother and she should be happy for that and sad that she ended her well wishes to us in the it made both of us feel unloved! It devastated Buttons more than me!

Petty as that may sound... I feel mother's day wishing is an EARNED honor!

As for my biological was her duty to stay healthy and not leave her family to the hands of others! Something I am trying to do for MY kids!

BillyRoo has already called me [6:30am] and wished me a Happy Mother's Day on his way out the door to work. He never forgets and makes sure to at least call...that's my gift! His gift to me is to stay safe and healthy!

PoD's gift is given to me almost daily by all the things she has to do for MUCHLY appreciated!


As for the man that was the father of my children...he didn't believe in thanking me for being the mother of his children.

I had to be content with "your not my mother so why do you expect a gift or wishes"?

Anyways....on with life

Yesterday was my first town-wide garage sale and was able to pick up a Mother's Day present for my daughter [for giving me grand kids...;)]...a ceramic 18" high Buddha to go with the pagoda that I bought [birthday last year] for her flower bed. I also gave her hanging pots for some vine types. Didn't find much for myself [tight budget] and was mostly a kids/baby-stuff sales. Did manage to get the son-in-law something for his collections that he will get on his birthday and something little for the grand kids.

Did get to enjoy it with an old friend that "Sales" with me yearly to that place...we continue our conversations like we had just left off from the last sales. It's so wonderful to have a friend that doesn't cling to me nor me to her...:)!

Am suffering a bit today from all the getting in/out of a truck and walking...the calf muscles are moooing from their lack of exercise. Seems all the walking helped only a LITTLE bit...;(

Must get in better shape!

The weather did not co-operate and it was a chilly 3 hrs but fun never-the-less!

Today seems to be continuing as the clouds this morning look like they are going to hang around.

Might snuggle under the covers and watch some movies...doing nothing sounds great.

ALL YOU MOTHERS out there...that deserve it


AND that does include BOTH my moms cause they did do the best of their abilities no matter how much I wished it to have been better...cause I know there are many many worse ones that I could have been stuck with instead!

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