Thursday, November 25, 2010


The Age of Innocence....

AJ...her first day of school...Kindergarten

A look of excitement...

Yet a bit apprehensive...but there's a sparkle in those eyes!

A hint of a smile...

She may have HAD a few weeks of happiness...
who knows for sure?

Her life at school has been one from hell since!

She is being bullied by one boy and shunned by most of the kids in her school!

As of today, she cries herself to sleep most nights...wondering what she has done wrong to deserve the hurts that she receives daily from her classmates, especially from one certain boy! It's hard enough being a bully's main focal point, but if you have no moral/physical support from your own sex in your grade [or others] sucks big time!

She says that she has a couple of friends that live out on farms but PoD sees no activity from these friends [?] outside of school and when your daughter says that she spends all of her time alone or in the library filing books during her spare times, things don't add up to any social life in school either!

All you lonely adults out there know what I am talking about...try being a teenage hormonal girl and all alone [family doesn't count]! Things can get serious if not seen to!

She's almost 6' tall and is dangerously overweight in a classroom of SCARY THIN girls! [Most are screaming right now..."quit using the "fat" as an excuse", but in this case it's TRUE!] Thinness rules in this town as I have found thru my own experiences, worse so in the girls in our school! One is even on the "Anorexic" watch list...that's how bad it is!

HER CRIME IN THE BEGINNING: [Kindergarten onward]
She was classified as being "slow witted" [?] by the boy who was tormenting her and the rest of his classmates [plus some town people]? Her problems were; Dyslexia, which makes learning things harder for her due to all the visual confusion of letters and words, she had some slight visual problems which were correctable by glasses, hearing impairment [which required tubes being put in] and the fact that she was taller/bigger than most her age. All of this led to her being very quiet and very shy. She was afraid to talk in case she made a fool out of herself. This helped to labeled her as "retarded" [?] by some?
From the beginning she needed special teaching help to cope with the Dyslexia and that helped to set her apart immediately from the rest of her class. Thing is...she will never be "cured" from the Dyslexia, she will always have it! Yet her grades are excellent and she has never had to be held back...ever! Why hasn't she been recognized for that fact? Maybe it's the fact that she still has to attend these special classes? Her sight and hearing aren't a problem anymore that's not a deterement?

But one could live with those if they were her only problem!

Her worst hell comes from one boy in her class!

Let's start with Kindergarten...

Our naive world of belief in small town niceness, came to a crash one day, when PoD noticed that AJ's body was covered in big bruises...21 of them! Mostly on the legs! That's when she found out about all the torment this boy had putting her through, the latest being throwing rocks at her! Hard enough to leave BIG bruises!

She had been taught not to be a "cry baby" and to fight her own battles. So she tried...

Her response to this boy's torment was just to say nothing and take it! Tattling at that age was not an option for any kid, even in Kindergarten? Sadly Happily bruises tell stories! PoD spoke to the teacher, all was seen to and never happen again...the throwing rocks that is!

Verbal abuse makes no visual marks!

This kid is an expert at meanness!
He has honed his art to a perfection!
A master at his craft and he's only 13 years old!

He did push her too far one day [gr. 2 or 3] and must have got right into her face [plus he was tormenting someone with her] because she retaliated by punching him in the nose [making it bleed]! She had been taught not to hit, but not to take any abuse nor abuse to others either.

He no longer gets that close to her anymore...:)! Sorry...I normally don't condone violence but enough was enough!

A happy time for her was in grade 5 when she was chosen to play "Mary" in an Xmas pageant being held for the seniors, in the senior's hall, only to have that destroyed by him!

All costumes consisted of bath robes and towels for head draping. She looked no different than the other girls, yet was chosen to be tormented by him on the way that she looked, during the bus ride to the place. She had bravely held her tears back until they got there, but could not go in because he had destroyed her confidence in her attire! A tear stained face didn't help either...all would know she had cried! Took lots of talking from PoD and bravery on her side to complete her part in the play with everyone wondering why she had been crying. I knew without being told what had happened and who the culprit was by the smirk on his face through out the whole play!

If looks could have killed...he would have been dead by my eyes alone!

Kids play you say....

Kids will be kids...

They will grow out of it...


For there are many of them!

AJ could probably write a book on "How To Be Tormented And HOPEFULLY  Be Able To Take It"! Sad to say!!!

Let's fast forward to present day torments...[not that I want to belittle all the other experiences she's had to endure...story is long enough] Let's just say they were MAAAAANY!

They are both 13 now...

-Color Purple...a favorite of hers. Looks really good on her, suits her skin tone. Can't wear it anymore. He now calls her "Barney"...whether she wears it or not!
-September...had saved dried "spike pods" just to throw at her! These are hard suckers, some golf ball sized, with pointy spikes that stick to what ever thrown at...they love skin and eyes! Not to mention that can explode on contact, spraying their seeds everywhere! Toxic seeds that is! Picture screaming girl with mouth open and seeds going in...! /:[ His today's past time is reminding her that he has some FROZEN ones with her name on them waiting for her unguarded moment! Whether he really does or not is not the point...the threat is there! Today he adds "Spike Ball" to his name calling. This was due to PoD's talking to his mother [useless venture] and him about the incident. It's now the big joke to him! Can we say bang your head against the wall satisfaction..;(

-She dyed her hair black [which looks good on her] only now her calls her a witch! Sadly it was close to Halloween so that name has stuck too!

-This kid not only torments her but everyone else who gets in his are either in his group or you will get picked on! That is his way! AJ has no girlfriends because most don't want her problems with this kid.

-Can't ride her bike to school anymore because PoD's safety rule makes her wear a bicycle helmut and he loves to torment her more when she does! Let's add "Helmut Head" to the name calling list!

-His usual responses to her are to called her his hateful names to try bring her ego to the ground and they work so well that he has her believing that she is fat, stupid, stinks and is too ugly for anyone to want for a partner.

He has even thrown in the threat of him stabbing her someday!

With a smile in his voice!

If she tries to ignore him, he bugs her until she has to respond someway...hopefully by crying. This means throwing things at her too!

-He so brazen that he even tried to get her attention at a volleyball game, while sitting right in front of us with his buddies! The only one noticing was me [more daggers from my eyes]! He kept calling her name! Happy she never let on that she knew what he was trying to do or if she even knew it at all. The fact is...he did it right in front of us! That's how sure of himself he is that no one can touch him!

And sadly he's right!

He's been kicked out of this school maaaaaaany times!
Been driven to other towns that don't want him in their system either?
Talked with maaaaaaany counselors/teachers/priciples...nothing works with this kid!

Statement from mother of the monster sweet child goes like this...

"If you have any ideas on how to deal with him let me know. I'm out of ideas! I don't know what  I did to raise such a dink like him?" She called him that, not us!

She also said that she gets daily phone calls from the principle about him!

His brother had come home when PoD had called on them and the first statement out of his mouth was..."What has DickHead done now?" Seems dink and dickhead is the normal names for him at home?

What has come out of his mouth to PoD about his treatment of AJ...
"She's not the only one that I bug"
"I don't care what people with authority think about me or tell me to do!"
"I enjoy it!"

ALL SAID IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER....with big smile on face [probably scary eyed too]!

This is AJ's most recent photo...
Does this look like a face of happiness?

This was the Halloween Dance night. A drastic costume change from the one wore to school. One she had carefully planned. A "Girl of the 70's". A sparkly dress, beads, gawdy tights, high heels and my full length [faux] fur coat. Sounds horrible right? He called her a Hooker! How many of us [guys included] have dressed in that same costume style and not been classified with such distain as she was treated to by him and her classmates because of her costume?

She changed to what you saw in the previous post about Halloween...a "Glamour Girl"

The damage was already done by the sad look on her face that evening...she did try to smile but you could tell it was a strained one!

Now you know what she has/is dealing with...

She has NO self esteem at all, about any part of herself!
She has tried to make friends but every time she tries standing next to some girls they move away from her! They don't even try to disguise it either...they just do it!
She fears for her safety because of the boy's knife threat!
She has nothing but bottled up emotions and says that all she feels is FEAR & ANGER!!!!

What has the school done to help her with the bullying and being a social outcast...

-A young teacher has taken her under her wing during school times and is trying to help build her self esteem back up...but she can't be there all of the time

-They make sure the evil kid sits nowhere near her and are trying to protect her in the hallways!

Other than that...what can they do?

PoD picks her up from school as much as possible...but where's the exercise in that?

The teachers give their usual speeches about "Bullying", what the causes and effects are...but are the kids really listening? Are they even getting it?

This isn't my first time around with this PROBLEM!

PoD's started in Grade 1 [in this town] and continued right up until grade 10! Her crime was being fat and had germs!? She got skinny [gr. 10] and developed an attitude, that was her way of dealing with her tormentors [3 horrible boys and snobby "skinny" girls]! Notice I said "got skinny"...her life changed because she was no longer in that "over weight class" which made her unwantable? As for the germ do grow up, only the damage was done!

Yah, her classmates have since apologized [you know how I feel about that] for their treatment of her then and feel good about themselves for making amends on their past. It didn't heal her left out feelings though...which is what they had trampled on in the first place!

Guess what...she's still being left out? Why did they apologize only to keep the ignoring on going still? These adults?

For AJ, as of a few days ago...
The troublesome boy's parents have finally received a diagnosis on why he is the way that he is. He has: ODD [Oppositional Defiant Disorder], ADHD [Attention/Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder], OCD [[Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder], Russell-Silver Syndrome [failure to grow syndrome] with a maturity level of a grade 3! [Look them will be amazed! I think most kids must be that way lately! ;( ]

What a smack in the head for those parents not to mention for that kid! NO WONDER HE IS THE WAY THAT HE IS!!!

8 YEARS that family has had to put up with this kid and those disorders!

8 YEARS... it's taken to get that diagnosis!


It hasn't only been AJ that has suffered from the abuse from this kid. He has made his home life hell and has destroyed his sister the same way as AJ? What took so long? The mother did say that they had to change Health systems here in order to get these results?

Some can be helped with medication and he is slated for a personal assistant now. Hopefully it will help AJ from here with the bullying by him but what of the rest of them who don't have those excuses?

Is ignoring a person or shunning them, classified as Bullying? It makes them outcasts!

It breaks my heart when I attend her volleyball games and have to watch her being totally ignored, not spoken to and generally not getting to play! She joins these things to fit it and it just doesn't work! I give her TONS of credit on keeping on trying!

It doesn't help that the coaches never include her much either! Both my daughter and her have made great bench warmers for they were too fat to be played? Sad to say they weren't the only ones not played much. Rule goes... only the "fit" [skinny] got to play and not that they were the most qualified! Being fat is only advantageous if you are a boy and play football!

I have to say that this post has taken a long time to write due to it's sensitive nature!

I have had to consider my grand daughter's feelings on letting the world know her problems but I am tired of her being a big secret!

I tried with my daughter, respecting her wishes not to make matters worse for her and stayed out of it. Let her fight her own battles. All that did was let her building her self esteem with anger! I don't want anger for my grand daughter!

I want her to know that there IS someone besides her family that actually cares about how she turns out!

PoD was asked by the school's Principal to keep it quiet about what is wrong with this boy so that everyone won't think this kid is as mentally disturbed as he is? Don't let anyone know what is REALLY wrong with this kid and why he is the way that he is? With this kids actions most don't like him now...won't knowing just what IS wrong better, than that of "he's just a horrible kid"! We all recognize the ones that display the obvious psyhical syndromes but not the ones with these problems! His are immense and I reconize that, but it doesn't change what he has done to my grand daughter!

I want the world to know about what happens with these kids with these problems!

What will he be like in the future when the smoking and alcohol starts?

WILL medication help him?

Against PoD's wishes, relayed from the Principal... I want the world to know! If that includes my lurkers in be it! It's not meant to destroy this kid [?] only to let others know why he is this way and to ask WHY DID IT TAKE SO FRIGGING LONG???

Who is paying for that silence...not my grand daughter nor will the rest of his victims!

He can be medicated and hopefully is! Yes, he has a long road with possiblity of no hope of being "cured"!


AJ's fight back to mental/psyhical freedom has started with her health style change...she is changing her eating habits and exercising! She has now joined up for basketball with her goal being to "do" all sports or at least try to. Hopefully she will get to do more than bench warm! Big people can be athletes too you know!

She also works out at the gym after school...when not doing school sports that is!

She can make herself skinny [and healthy :)] by doing these things...yet


How can one cure her shyness?

Cure her fear of making any kind of mistake? [Judged but who?]

Her Dyslexia will forever be there! Ask the famous people who have the same problem!

She will never be short as well as he will never be any taller!

Sadly she comes from a long line of a family history with hereditary "misfiring synapses" that can lead to serious consequences if not seen to! This is our dark secret [not my side of the family]!

Good start for what kind of future....

Seems the "Age of Innocence" is.......


No comments: