Monday, February 28, 2011

A Letter to Buttons - Feb. 27, 2011

Well, Kiddo, another year has gone by and I wish it did feel like it was only yesterday but it's not...;(

7 years is a LONG TIME!

Yah, life did go on...but it has NEVER been the same without you!

YET...it still feels the same, like you are still here with me?


We'd have a good laugh about the "padded room" after that last statement...;(


I don't feel like you have passed on! I know it's wishful thinking on my part, but the feeling that I have about you, won't go away! I feel like you are still trying to contact me but can't? I have this strong feeling that you are trying to gain enough energy to let us know what REALLY happened to you...was it murder like I believe it to be or just a STUPID ACCIDENT?

The little evil IMP that sits on one of my shoulders, wants your husband to be guilty and to be NEVER, EVER be happy again!

That's the part of me that refuses to believe that you could EVER have been that CARELESS! Especially, after all of my pleas for you to be safe on that farm! Pleas to the point of nagging you and your ABSOLUTE REASSURANCE, THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS CAREFUL...YOU WOULD NEVER, EVER BE THAT CARELESS...YOUR VOW TO ME!

I remember the FEAR that you had of that machine...your wish that you had NEVER had bought that equipment! It's that little imp yelling at me NOT TO EVER FORGET THAT STATEMENT!


AND.....all of the other facts that points the guilty finger at him!


I. CAN. NOT. IMAGINE. WHY YOU WOULD WILLINGLY STEP INTO THAT DANGEROUS AREA KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IT COULD KILL YOU AT ANY MOMENT? YOU HAD TO OF KNOWN WHERE YOUR HUSBAND WAS!!!!!


Then there's the "Nice" little imp sitting on the other shoulder jabbing it's sharp needle into my caring side [yes, I do have one] yelling at me to remember that there are people out there that would be hurt even more if I was right! The only thing is...the jabs aren't that strong nor that frequent? Why is that?

These last couple have weeks have been harder than usual.

With all of the paranormal searching going on these last two weekends and with what I have been feeling about you lately, I had hoped that you could have picked up on the increase of the psychic energy from all the psychics that came...[which they were supposed to have brought with them]...;}

PoD and I never once mentioned you nor the circumstances of your death...it was kind of a silent experiment. One woman did mention a feeling of sadness upon approaching the town and the building, she hadn't been told anything about history of the place. But no one ever felt anything coming from PoD or me, sadness wise. We acted like there was nothing out of the ordinary in our lives. Our experiment ends on this subject as soon as this post goes out. Unless something is recorded!

There was a questionable time when we were using the Ghost Box that I'd hoped you would be able to say something through it during the time I was mentally trying to channel you [I know sounds crazy to the non-believer and you guys don't matter] but the words uttered during those moments didn't jive.

If it was you...only PoD or I could confirm that it could have been you?

Maybe if I had said something they could have channeled more towards you but that's where the skeptic in me feels that they should already get that vibe from me as it's so strong! They should have known!

Anyways it didn't happen.


And life does goes on!


For your family news...I hear [PoD]/read [facebook] that your grand daughter has been quite a handful with her being a fussy sleeper. It doesn't help that she's teething too...remember those wonderful days....;} I'm sure you would get the same enjoyment that I do when I see/hear that they now know what we went through...;) Yet the young all act like it's something new..."we have no idea"...;)?

They now call her Ginny like we did you but I'm not sure how I will feel about me saying it? It might be "Little Ginny"...who knows?

I haven't seen her since I held her last so I can't say how much she has grown. I do get to see her through the pictures they post on the computer and she has even experienced an outdoor adventure. Your family has gotten into "Mud Quading" and spends many a muddy weekend looking for water holes...this would have been right up your alley! Which kind of sounds like fun to me too! Although I'd hate to see their wash machines now...;}

But that's another thing he robbed you of that I can't forgive him for! At least you can rest easy knowing they are not moping around feeling sorry for your loss like I do...;{

Anyways...I don't want them to suffer your loss...just him!

I do know your kids still miss you very much!

As for your loving [?] husband...

Eener met another one of his "new" girlfriends [as he's still on the look out for your replacement] and she's another "wonderful" person in her eyes. It's hard for me to "not remember" how wonderful the first replacement was and how she walked away with a guestimation of 100,ooo.oo of your hard earned money [after a few short years]. I still say...PAY OFF! For WHAT...I believe I already know!

I guess I will "have to" reserve judgment on this next one until I meet her...although I never even met the first one and I never ever liked her?!

He did tell me that he was going to move on with his life after your death and with what you told me of his love for you...all this scenario stuff ends up with me being confused on whether you told me the truth of your relationship or not?

My confusion has been..."how does one replace the person they loved for 26 years so quickly, so easily, if they were so much in love"?

For myself....trust in a relationship means everything in life to me! Maybe not so much for others is something one must learn accept?

As you know I turned 60 a few days ago...that was a tense time for me! Remember this was our age goal when we both found out that we had Diabetes and were told to expect 10 years to be taken off what we'd figure our real life to be [70]! Well, I got here and have decided that I will continue to live every day just like it is going to be my last! No...I will not fret about dying either because we will die when it's our time whether we worry about it or not....so why worry about it!

My only accomplishment left, for this moment, is trying to leave this world as I started it....debt free! In the seven years I have had of single freedom, I have managed to get it down to only 25 percent left! Both my kids seem to be managing as well as can be expected for this day and age, as well as yours are.

I did have a tense moment on Valentine's Day with an intense "wannabe", way under age, suitor who figured that we all are capable of loving more than one person at a time and I should join his list of accomplishments in the sack! A psychic addition could only add to it. After all it came to him in a dream and I was very willing then..."I was meant to tell him the meaning of life"? The drunken idiot couldn't figure out for himself that my so-called abilities would have warned me and I would never had answered the phone when he called numerous times or I wouldn't have been there when he showed up!

Thinking back now....I did tell him the meaning of his life after all...I did tell him that he was lacking human emotions of any kind and considered him to be pond scum and much, much more....? Drunks don't normally remember conversations as they aren't listening while your having them, so I don't think he will remember my important words after all which maybe cause for reappearance...;( This IS a big worry for me even as I joke about it! How drunk or forceful IF there is a next time!

Sorry this is a day late but all energies right now are running in slow motion! My legs are jello like right now with all of the stair climbing that we did the last 2 weekends trying to keep up with all the paranormal researchers enthusiasms. Not to mention done while in a dry hot sauna that is the courthouse, remember! Plus I need to catch up on some badly needed sleep if I plan on making any money at my job.

Have much more to say so link mental with me okay kiddo...

Missing you always....

love XOXOXOXOXO


Bones

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