Orbs 'r' Us

Some Assembly Required

‘Twas the night before Xmas when all through the house

I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,

In hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required.”

The children were quiet in their beds, while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

In the kitchen, two bikes, Barbie’s Town house to boot!

And thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes; my heart skipped a beat…

Let no pieces be missing or parts incomplete!

Too late for last minute returns or replacement;

If we can’t get it right, it goes down in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,

But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,

So if there were failure, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,

All over the floor they were scattered about.

“Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!

Slide on the seats, where metal is bare!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.”

“Honey,” said hubby, “you just glued my hand.”

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact,

that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

to keep parents all Xmas Eve night, with “assembly required” till mornings first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,

till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night it wore thin before

We attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest, we fell into bed for we-deserved rest.

But I said to my hubby just before I passed out,

This will be the best Xmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we’ll cheer, let the holiday ring, and not have

To run to the store for a thing!

“We did it! We did it! Toys are all set for

the perfect, most perfectest Xmas, I bet!”

Then off to dreamland, at last sweet repose I gratefully went,

Although I suppose there’s something to say for those self-deluded

I’d forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

-stolen from another weekly "Bean"

Following instructions was never my problem but "BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED" was definitely one of them!