A Letter to Buttons - Feb. 27, 2011

Well, Kiddo, another year has gone by and I wish it did feel like it was only yesterday but it's not...;(

7 years is a LONG TIME!

Yah, life did go on...but it has NEVER been the same without you!

YET...it still feels the same, like you are still here with me?


We'd have a good laugh about the "padded room" after that last statement...;(


I don't feel like you have passed on! I know it's wishful thinking on my part, but the feeling that I have about you, won't go away! I feel like you are still trying to contact me but can't? I have this strong feeling that you are trying to gain enough energy to let us know what REALLY happened to you...was it murder like I believe it to be or just a STUPID ACCIDENT?

The little evil IMP that sits on one of my shoulders, wants your husband to be guilty and to be NEVER, EVER be happy again!

That's the part of me that refuses to believe that you could EVER have been that CARELESS! Especially, after all of my pleas for you to be safe on that farm! Pleas to the point of nagging you and your ABSOLUTE REASSURANCE, THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS CAREFUL...YOU WOULD NEVER, EVER BE THAT CARELESS...YOUR VOW TO ME!

I remember the FEAR that you had of that machine...your wish that you had NEVER had bought that equipment! It's that little imp yelling at me NOT TO EVER FORGET THAT STATEMENT!


AND.....all of the other facts that points the guilty finger at him!


I. CAN. NOT. IMAGINE. WHY YOU WOULD WILLINGLY STEP INTO THAT DANGEROUS AREA KNOWING FULL WELL THAT IT COULD KILL YOU AT ANY MOMENT? YOU HAD TO OF KNOWN WHERE YOUR HUSBAND WAS!!!!!


Then there's the "Nice" little imp sitting on the other shoulder jabbing it's sharp needle into my caring side [yes, I do have one] yelling at me to remember that there are people out there that would be hurt even more if I was right! The only thing is...the jabs aren't that strong nor that frequent? Why is that?

These last couple have weeks have been harder than usual.

With all of the paranormal searching going on these last two weekends and with what I have been feeling about you lately, I had hoped that you could have picked up on the increase of the psychic energy from all the psychics that came...[which they were supposed to have brought with them]...;}

PoD and I never once mentioned you nor the circumstances of your death...it was kind of a silent experiment. One woman did mention a feeling of sadness upon approaching the town and the building, she hadn't been told anything about history of the place. But no one ever felt anything coming from PoD or me, sadness wise. We acted like there was nothing out of the ordinary in our lives. Our experiment ends on this subject as soon as this post goes out. Unless something is recorded!

There was a questionable time when we were using the Ghost Box that I'd hoped you would be able to say something through it during the time I was mentally trying to channel you [I know sounds crazy to the non-believer and you guys don't matter] but the words uttered during those moments didn't jive.

If it was you...only PoD or I could confirm that it could have been you?

Maybe if I had said something they could have channeled more towards you but that's where the skeptic in me feels that they should already get that vibe from me as it's so strong! They should have known!

Anyways it didn't happen.


And life does goes on!


For your family news...I hear [PoD]/read [facebook] that your grand daughter has been quite a handful with her being a fussy sleeper. It doesn't help that she's teething too...remember those wonderful days....;} I'm sure you would get the same enjoyment that I do when I see/hear that they now know what we went through...;) Yet the young all act like it's something new..."we have no idea"...;)?

They now call her Ginny like we did you but I'm not sure how I will feel about me saying it? It might be "Little Ginny"...who knows?

I haven't seen her since I held her last so I can't say how much she has grown. I do get to see her through the pictures they post on the computer and she has even experienced an outdoor adventure. Your family has gotten into "Mud Quading" and spends many a muddy weekend looking for water holes...this would have been right up your alley! Which kind of sounds like fun to me too! Although I'd hate to see their wash machines now...;}

But that's another thing he robbed you of that I can't forgive him for! At least you can rest easy knowing they are not moping around feeling sorry for your loss like I do...;{

Anyways...I don't want them to suffer your loss...just him!

I do know your kids still miss you very much!

As for your loving [?] husband...

Eener met another one of his "new" girlfriends [as he's still on the look out for your replacement] and she's another "wonderful" person in her eyes. It's hard for me to "not remember" how wonderful the first replacement was and how she walked away with a guestimation of 100,ooo.oo of your hard earned money [after a few short years]. I still say...PAY OFF! For WHAT...I believe I already know!

I guess I will "have to" reserve judgment on this next one until I meet her...although I never even met the first one and I never ever liked her?!

He did tell me that he was going to move on with his life after your death and with what you told me of his love for you...all this scenario stuff ends up with me being confused on whether you told me the truth of your relationship or not?

My confusion has been..."how does one replace the person they loved for 26 years so quickly, so easily, if they were so much in love"?

For myself....trust in a relationship means everything in life to me! Maybe not so much for others is something one must learn accept?

As you know I turned 60 a few days ago...that was a tense time for me! Remember this was our age goal when we both found out that we had Diabetes and were told to expect 10 years to be taken off what we'd figure our real life to be [70]! Well, I got here and have decided that I will continue to live every day just like it is going to be my last! No...I will not fret about dying either because we will die when it's our time whether we worry about it or not....so why worry about it!

My only accomplishment left, for this moment, is trying to leave this world as I started it....debt free! In the seven years I have had of single freedom, I have managed to get it down to only 25 percent left! Both my kids seem to be managing as well as can be expected for this day and age, as well as yours are.

I did have a tense moment on Valentine's Day with an intense "wannabe", way under age, suitor who figured that we all are capable of loving more than one person at a time and I should join his list of accomplishments in the sack! A psychic addition could only add to it. After all it came to him in a dream and I was very willing then..."I was meant to tell him the meaning of life"? The drunken idiot couldn't figure out for himself that my so-called abilities would have warned me and I would never had answered the phone when he called numerous times or I wouldn't have been there when he showed up!

Thinking back now....I did tell him the meaning of his life after all...I did tell him that he was lacking human emotions of any kind and considered him to be pond scum and much, much more....? Drunks don't normally remember conversations as they aren't listening while your having them, so I don't think he will remember my important words after all which maybe cause for reappearance...;( This IS a big worry for me even as I joke about it! How drunk or forceful IF there is a next time!

Sorry this is a day late but all energies right now are running in slow motion! My legs are jello like right now with all of the stair climbing that we did the last 2 weekends trying to keep up with all the paranormal researchers enthusiasms. Not to mention done while in a dry hot sauna that is the courthouse, remember! Plus I need to catch up on some badly needed sleep if I plan on making any money at my job.

Have much more to say so link mental with me okay kiddo...

Missing you always....

love XOXOXOXOXO


Bones

INVESTIGATION #8... In the Dodge Court House

I made arrangements with Tim from Sask. Paranormal Shadow Hunters [SPSH]; from Hudson Bay [Sask], to meet us at the back of the Court House at 6:00 pm. PoD and I got there around 5 ish to set up our own stuff first.

It was bitchin’ cold out that evening with a wind chill that bit at everything exposed! It didn’t help that the earlier melt in the week, gave us huge skating rinks at the entrance way, with a nice skiff of snow to cover it...just to make it interesting! I mention this icy condition only because we needed to go outside A. LOT. to cool off because it is HOTTER THAN HELL in there! The 5 smokers learned to smoke quickly or as it proved near the end, when it dropped to -34/wind chill of -20, vehicle owners had to keep starting their vehicles. No one carried extra extension cords to plug in! Won’t be surprised if we all didn’t catch colds! I plan on bringing a blanket/sleeping bag for the car, for this next investigation!

PoD and I had just finished setting up where we wanted our video camera [main hallway entrance] and the game cam [upstairs outside the court room doors on the display case], when the first bunch of people arrived. Four tired looking people from SHP [Tim, Vinny, Lana & Nicole] greeted us at the back door. It had been a 6 hr drive for them. You got to be serious about the paranormal to drive that long/far just for ONE night!

We were sad to find out that the Celebrity Psychic/Medium, Barb Powell [Saskatoon], canceled at the last minute, so we missed that opportunity...maybe next time? One must learn not to depend on the guest people showing up...except for Ghost Stories of Sask. writer, JoAnne Christensen, who loved the scariness of the place!

We quickly got the greetings out of the way and gave them the grand tour! During the tour they decided that they would set up their command post in the basement at the entrance to the Custodial Quarters...we left them all ALONE there to get it all set up.

We broke one of the rules...we left them alone to do their thing! There is no possible way PoD and I wanted to sit and watch [they didn’t want/need our help] them set up...talk about showing no trust!

When we picked the keys up on Friday we went around and took many [161] pictures of the museum’s displays and such, to provide some proof of condition, before they came. Thing was, we noticed that some of the stuff was moved and added to since the photo taking that day, so that might be a problem if they find stuff gone? Most of the investigations consisted of 2 people groups, in various places, so having us keep track proven to be impossible! We did use cameras where we could.

PoD and I had set our own camcorder up in the main foyer with it pointing towards the staircase. I had placed a trigger object [ball] on the stair for anything to push it or whatever. There is a child entity recorded to be in this place and so we leave toys around hoping that it/something will move them. There was writing on the ball, so I placed it where one could make note of it. The camcorder didn’t work too well, as it wasn’t lit enough to actually see if it recorded any ball movement, or not. It’s not meant for dim lighting.

We were excited once, when I noticed later that evening, that the wording on the ball had moved. I had forgot to mark the placement area so I was unsure whether it had rolled or was tampered with? On later viewing of the footage [2 hrs] I discovered that it was touched twice by two different people and it wasn’t Pod or me!

Investigators SHOULD KNOW to NEVER touch trigger objects! Or as it is in this building...anything!

I keep trying to catch something on these stairs, for many stories are told about the sounds of ghostly footsteps being heard on them. But it proved to be too nosy with all the people going about the place and sounds really echo in there! I plan on recording this area next time when we all go to sleep....when it is supposed to be quiet.

As for the other trigger objects, they used these toys...

SPSH left these behind [not the ball], as a token gift for the spirits to play with and as a thank you, for no harm being done to them, or to their equipment. This was a first for me, as no one had left anything behind before [or if they did, I didn’t know]...seems all groups do their own thing.

SPSH sets their command post up differently than the others that have come here...

The other two groups keep their command post with them, so they can be viewed when not out researching the building. I kind of like being able to watch as it is being recorded, as one hopes to see it happening! We also note the time frame when one does see something, which makes for easier viewing later. Plus, I’m not one to roam about much, as this place drains me, whether it is from the intense heat or the spooks, I don’t know!

We were also waiting for the other two people coming from Regina [Sask] which is also 6 hrs away! Sean is the president of Sask. Paranormal investigators [SPI] with his travel companion [Chantel, investigator-in-training]. Sean is a sensitive like PoD and I and is supposed to have very strong psychic abilities.

Just shortly before they had arrived [7:30ish], it had started to get dark and PoD and I needed to close the curtains in the court room upstairs. We had just started our journey to go up the long main staircase when PoD suddenly said that she felt the atmosphere around us change! Like something had just entered...yet no one had come in any of the doors! Up until then the place had felt quite quiet...boring like! She said the feeling stayed with her as we climbed the stairs! I felt nothing but as I cleared the last step and looked into the court room I saw a dark shape quickly cross in front of the window light. My focus had been on that window the whole time as I climbed so my gaze had never strayed away. So I can’t blame the change in focal point. As I yelled “Wow...did you see that” to PoD [she didn’t] and rushed to take photos, as I did, we heard Tim holler from the basement...

He had seen a black shape step quickly into the old RCMP [Dentist] Office. He had been going down the back stairway the same time we were going up the front! This room is to your left as you enter the basement. There was also no one else in the basement!

PoD had felt the atmosphere change right before that....?

Was this the start....

It was!

It was also DARK now! [9ish]

We do all our investigations in the dark with only the small beam from our small flash lights to see by. We don’t use big flashlights because they light up the area too much. Besides it’s creepier with just a small lit area to see! These little beams do not give you the feeling of being safe but when it is a dark as it is in the basement, any little light helps...;)

We all pretty well traveled in groups of 2 or 4s. The SPSH people consisted of 2 guys and 2 girls. They pretty much did their own thing. They use equipment to do their research and didn’t have any intuitive/psychics with them. They did want one but it couldn’t be arranged in time for this trip. Hopefully another visit here is in their future?

PoD and I went with Sean and Chantel from SPI to check out the Court Room/Gallery and Judges Chambers. We all did our individual thing while in there. There were times when I was by myself on one side of the railing and felt that there was something in the dark chasing me. It felt like it wanted to be behind me all of the time. I even found myself spinning around trying to catch it on my camera but later upon review, I found that I didn’t catch anything...not even dust motes! I joined Chantel, who told me she felt the same way and she was not intuitive at all. She felt like something was always looking over her shoulders and chasing her around in there too.

Next we traveled into the next area that I am quite edgy to be in and that is the Judge’s Chambers. Not the living room area as much as the bedroom! This is one room that gives me an instant headache and I don’t care to be in it any longer than I have to. We weren’t in that room more than a minute when the two SPI members began to suffer from extreme headaches. I hadn’t mentioned that this happens to me to the new guys, we wanted them to experience without being influenced by our previous experiences. I had chalked my headaches off to the smell of the old rug but the museum staff had cleaned it thoroughly and it smelled okay but the feeling in the room is a heavy foreboding one with me feeling very apprehensive to the point of leaving.

We spent some time on the Masonic mirror with it’s weird symbols. When checking the glass you cannot see these symbols, they only appear when you shine a light on it or take a picture.

We took the elevator down to the backdoor entrance, which leads to the basement, because the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the basement. Taking it was really creepy, as it decided that it didn’t want to work right, stalling between floors...that was the last time we took the elevator!

Our next tour [11:30] was the old RCMP Offices, Sean basically came up with the same feeling in the spooky areas as we did and his psychic ability kind of confirmed that someone suffered from injuries of the neck while in those offices. He kept getting a choking sensation in the jailed room where they held the prisoner for trial. It’s alleged that a Chinese man hung himself there? Of course there is no written record of it happening but I’m sure there was a lot that went on in there that wasn’t recorded. After all this was a favorite town for KKK meetings and that is a statement that can be backed up with a receipt of hall rental for one of their meetings!

He especially did not like the back room which the dentist used as a dark room. The windows are painted black so it was TOTALLY dark in there. This is the room where I ran into “Stinky” ghost and the hallway next to it. It’s also the same hallway that PoD and I freaked out when researching with the Ghost Hunters, then the motion sensors went off! Later that evening, Sean might have smelled the “Stinky” ghost, on the main floor.

After finishing those rooms we were to go down the hallway to the jail cells and Custodial Quarters when I got this intense feeling of dread! I was getting this strong vibe to stay away! As I was having this feeling Sean said he was starting to feel the same way! Most people [me] would take this as a sign to stay away and if it had just been PoD and I, we would have. Only Sean figured that we needed to see what was there and to confront it! Not good news for me! I’ve battled with this feeling down here before and it usually wins!

It didn’t help when Chantel took a photo of the dreaded area and she caught what looked like a dark male figure, standing in the Quarters hallway. I looked like it was wearing a brimmed hat. It was a blurry shape but very ominous feeling one when I looked at it. Even more reason not to go!

I’ve seen enough stuff recorded on what might be down there and it isn’t a happy place! It isn’t evil as in the devil, but a feel of badness is strong! It feels more like someone/thing doesn’t want anyone down there especial in the quarters! For me it’s the kitchen and the back bedroom! Yet one gets this playful feeling at the same time?

I had a blast in this place when we did the Halloween thing. It gave me grief during the set up but left us alone during the haunt/take down? I used to think that as long as I gave it something to amuse it with [our victims], it would leave us [my family/me] alone. Now is it mad because I quit the Halloween FUN thing and replaced it with cameras and sound recorders instead, which will expose it?

Okay, where’s the white belted jacket and padded cell.....;}

Anyways....

Did I mention that it was HOT in there! Well the basement is the worst! The further you get from the outside door the hotter it gets!

We toured the old jail rooms and other parts with no feeling of dread in either of those areas, just the heat. It was the same way as Sean and I entered the Custodial Quarters.

I was standing in the hallway, right where the shadowy figure had stood in Chantel’s photo, when I felt the area around us suddenly became cooler. So did the others. One could move their hand around and feel the coolness on the skin. I thought maybe someone had opened some windows? They said they hadn’t! I was showing them where the shadowy figure from the “Sask Ghost Hunters” had been captured [in doorway to living room] when I felt a draft coming from one of the windows. So I went over to check it out. As I approached, the curtains billowed out towards me like there was a window open and it was windy.

There was NO WIND blowing on me!

Upon closer inspection, I found that the window was closed with just a slight draft...not enough “draft” to blow the curtains! Sean had seen it too and knew that it wasn’t a natural thing happening!

Creepy!

We checked out the other rooms and all felt okay but still cool?

This was the coolest part of the whole building! It is normally just as hot as the other?

PoD and the others wanted to sit around in the kitchen and there wasn’t a single place that I wanted to sit at. I felt that it was important to protect my back? PoD tried to show me another place to sit with the counter at my back but I could feel myself getting agitated....the feeling of dread was strong!

I can be pretty brave when I am with lots of people in that place but when I get that feeling of “GET OUT”, really strong like...

Get out I did! The hallway never looked so appealing and I had no problem going down it all alone to get out of the basement. Only PoD calling me back made me stop and go back to them, I had only gotten half way! Seems right after I left the coolness went with me and it was warm again? When I entered the quarters it felt too hot in there for me to stay! Yet when I faced the hallway again, the appealing nature was gone and in it’s place was fear! I couldn’t stay in the quarters and I was afraid to go down the hallway in the dark all alone! The fear of the quarters won over the fear of the hallway...I ended up running down it and backing up the stairs to the safe room.

That ended my searching!

PoD had somehow twisted her knee in the basement on the way back and climbing the stairs became a nightmare for her. After our incident with the elevator she didn’t want to try using it again.

So her search ended too.

As for the others they said they got lots of recordings and photos.

There was this one time where they had set up this device that picks up radio waves and frequencies, they called it a Ghost Box? Paranormal energy in the vicinity of it enables it to utter words? This electronic stuff baffles me so I could have that part wrong! They had set this device in the Quarters in same area as the ghostly shadow. At one point they heard what sounded like a child and when asked its age it said “3”. When asked what toy it liked it replied “puppy”.

I've gone through most of the photos and there wasn't many Orbs and these ones show up on most of them?

While we were in the Custodial Quarters, Tim had been watching the monitors outside of the quarters. He rushed in wanting to know if I had stuck my head briefly into the living room through the doorway. None of us had been anywhere near the area he was speaking of. I knew it wasn’t me! He knows he saw something!

Also while he was setting up the command post, he looked up just in time to see a flash of light streak across the hallway from the ladies jail to the men’s! Again...cameras weren’t quite ready...;(

By 3:15 am we all were too tired to do any more searching...we needed to sleep!

And YES! I slept in the Court House...4 whole hours!

When we were getting ready for shut-eye, Tim decided that he wanted to try to sleep in the Judge’s chamber on his bed!

He lasted 1 hour!

Tim’s account from Facebook: “was so intense sleeping in that room alone. Would not let me sleep at all, every time I closed my eyes the banging and walking around would start. I could hear talking and rustling around in the room next to me. I thought for sure it was someone out there trying to scare me. Major activity in there!” He also said that he has recorded something growling and the word “deeper”? The final loudest noise was right in the room with him so he left to come down and join us. At first, he though, we had decided to stay up and we were the ones making all the noises. But when he saw us all asleep, he wondered how we had slept through it all?

The Scary Bedroom

My kidneys never let me sleep longer than 4 hours so I was the first awake which was at 7:00 am. Not much longer the others began to awake and in no time all had been packed up and we said our good-byes.

Our conclusion: These are two groups who are dedicated to the researching of the paranormal and handled themselves in a very professional manner. They have our approval for other visits!

As for PoD and I...we had to re-photograph the displays all over again which mean another half hour in that hot place! Plus I had to get my Game Cam that I had set up near the court room to catch what-ever. Just caught the usual humans and nothing spooky...;( The odd thing was when we first set it up the new batteries didn’t work? Had to replace them and then it worked?

PoD did notice something odd on the basement floor as we were taking pictures...a 4” plastic red hollow bat [toy] laying near the piano. I checked the earlier photos and it wasn’t there! Will find out from the groups if they played a prank and place it there to see if we’d notice or not.

Or was it the ghostly child playing with it’s toy..................?

As of this date they have heard these on their EVP [electronic voice phenomenon] recorders; “come on”, “yesss I doo”, “som-mebody” [or piano sounds], “deeper” & “puppy”

You tell me... can all of this recorded evidence be a hoax?

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Finally its DONE!

It’s taken me two days to get my energy back! I swear I could barely stay awake! Thank heavens for the Family holiday on Monday because I slept through it too!

Plus it takes awhile to go through all the pictures.

So stay tuned for this weekend’s Investigation #9 Friday and Saturday Feb. 25 & 26. Our guests will be the Calling Lakes Paranormal Investigators Inc from Fort Qu’Apple.